Multiple Minds

Dissociative Identity Disorder From Wikipedia

2007-01-06T08:21:00.000-05:00

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Multiple personality disorderClassifications and external resources
ICD-10 F44.81
ICD-9 300.14

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a diagnosis described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition, Revised, as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss, which is beyond normal forgetfulness. This memory loss is often referred to as "losing time". These symptoms must occur independently of substance abuse, or a general medical condition.

Dissociative identity disorder was initially named multiple personality disorder (MPD), and, as referenced above, that name remains in the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems. Regardless of whether the disorder is termed dissociative identity disorder or multiple personality disorder, it is in no way related to schizophrenia. Although schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder are commonly linked in the minds of lay people, it is a misconception.

While dissociation is a demonstrable psychiatric condition that is tied to several different disorders, specifically those involving early childhood trauma and anxiety, multiple personality remains controversial. Despite the controversy, many mental health institutes[citation needed], such as McLean Hospital [1], have wards specifically designated for dissociative identity disorder.

Contents
1 DSM-IV-TR diagnostic criteria
2 A definition of dissociation
3 Defining the controversy
3.1 The DSM re-dress
3.2 Other positions
4 Potential causes of dissociative identity disorder
5 Symptoms
6 Diagnosis and treatment
6.1 Diagnosis
6.2 Prognosis
6.3 Treatment
7 See also
8 References
9 External links

DSM-IV-TR diagnostic criteria

Due to copyright infringement issues and editorial concerns, the American Psychiatric ssociation has requested that specific reference to the DSM-IV-TR by Wikipedia be outlinked. The current diagnostic criteria for Dissociative identity disorder published in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders may be found here:

DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria: Dissociative identity disorder (DID)

A definition of dissociation
Dissociation is a complex mental process that provides a coping mechanism for individuals confronting painful and/or traumatic situations. It is characterized by a dis-integration of the ego. Ego integration, or more properly ego integrity, can be defined as a person's ability to successfully incorporate external events or social experiences into their perception, and to then present themselves consistently across those events or social situations. A person unable to do this successfully can experience emotional dysregulation, as well as a potential collapse of ego integrity. In other words, this state of emotional dysregulation is, in some cases, so intense that
it can precipitate ego dis-integration, or what, in extreme cases, has come to be referred to diagnostically as dissociation.

Dissociation describes a collapse in ego integrity so profound that the personality is considered to literally break apart. For this reason, dissocation is often referred to as "splitting" or altering". Less profound presentations of this condition are often referred to clinically as disorganization or decompensation. The difference between a psychotic break and a dissociation, or dissociative break, is that, while someone who is experiencing a dissociation is technically pulling away from a situation that s/he cannot manage, some part of the person remains connected to reality. While the psychotic "breaks" from reality, the dissociative disconnects, but not all the
way.

Because the person suffering a dissociation does not completely disengage from his/her reality, s/he may appear to have multiple "personalities". In other words, different people" (read: personalities) to deal with different situations, but generally speaking, no one person (read: personality) who will retreat altogether.

Defining the controversy
Main article: Multiple personality controversy

One of the primary reasons for the on-going re-categorization of this condition is that there ere so few documented cases (research in 1944 showed only 76[2]) of what was then referred to as multiple personality. Conversely, dissociation is now recognized as a symptomatic presentation in response to trauma, extreme emotional stress, and, as noted, in association with emotional
dysregulation and borderline personality disorder [3]. Often regarded as a dynamic sub-symptomology, it has become more frequent as an ancillary diagnosis, rather than a primary diagnosis. [citation needed] A full blown DID diagnosis, that intends an individual is evidencing
quantifiable multiple personalities and presents itself independently of a primary personality disorder, remains rare. [citation needed]

The DSM re-dress
There is considerable controversy over the validity of the Multiplepersonality profile as a diagnosis. Unlike the more empirically verifiable mood and personality disorders, dissociation is primarily subjective for both the patient, and the treatment provider. The relationship between dissociation and multiple personality creates conflict regarding the MPD diagnosis. While other disorders do, indeed, require a certain amount of subjective interpretation, those disorders more readily present with generally accepted, objective symptomology. The controversial nature of the dissociation hypothesis evidences itself quite clearly by the manner in which the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has addressed, and re-dressed, the categorization over the years.

The second edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, referred to this diagnostic profile as Multiple Personality Disorder. The 3rd Edition of the DSM Manual grouped Multiple Personality Disorder in with the other 4 major dissociative disorders. The current edition, the DSM-IV-TR, categorizes the disorder as Dissociative Identity Disorder. The ICD-10 (International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems) continues to list the condition as multiple personality disorder.

Other positions
The debate over the validity of this condition, whether as a clinical diagnosis, a symptomatic presentation, a subjective misrepresentation on the part of the patient, or a case of unconscious collusion on the part of the patient and the professional is considerable (see Multiple
personality controversy). Unlike other diagnostic categorizations, there is very little in the way of objective, quantifiable evidence for describing the disorder. This makes the disorder itself subjective, as well as its diagnosis.

The main points of disagreement are:

Whether MPD/DID is a real disorder or just a fad.
If it is real, is the appearance of multiple personalities real or delusional.
If it is real, should it be defined in psychoanalytic terms.
Whether it can, or should, be cured.
Who should primarily define the experience -- therapists, or those who believe that they have multiple personalities.

Skeptics claim that people who present with the appearance of alleged multiple personality may have learned to exhibit the symptoms in return for social reinforcement. One case cited as an example for this viewpoint is the "Sybil" case , popularized by the news media. Psychiatrist Herbert Spiegel [citation needed] stated that "Sybil" had been provided with the idea of multiple personalities by her treating psychiatrist, Cornelia Wilbur, to describe states of feeling with which she was unfamiliar.

Potential causes of dissociative identity disorder
Dissociative identity disorder is attributed to the interaction of several factors: overwhelming
stress, dissociative capacity (including the ability to uncouple one's memories, perceptions, or identity from conscious awareness), the enlistment of steps in normal developmental processes as defenses, and, during childhood, the lack of sufficient nurturing and compassion in response to hurtful experiences or lack of protection against further overwhelming experiences. Children are not born with a sense of a unified identity — it develops from many sources and experiences. In overwhelmed children, its development is obstructed, and many parts of what should have blended into a relatively unified identity remain separate. North American studies show that 97 to 98% of adults with dissociative identity disorder report abuse during childhood and that abuse can be documented for 85% of adults and for 95% of children and adolescents with dissociative identity disorder and other closely related forms of dissociative disorder. Although these data establish childhood abuse as a major cause among North American patients (in some cultures, the consequences of war and disaster play a larger role), they do not mean that all such patients were abused or that all the abuses reported by patients with dissociative identity disorder really happened. Some aspects of some reported abuse experiences may prove to be
inaccurate. Also, some patients have not been abused but have experienced an important early loss (such as death of a parent), serious medical illness, or other very stressful events. For example, a patient who required many hospitalizations and operations during childhood may have been severely overwhelmed but not abused.[4]

Human development requires that children be able to integrate complicated and different types of information and experiences successfully. As children achieve cohesive, complex appreciations of themselves and others, they go through phases in which different perceptions and emotions are kept segregated. Each developmental phase may be used to generate different selves. Not every child who experiences abuse or major loss or trauma has the capacity to develop multiple personalities. Patients with dissociative identity disorder can be easily hypnotized. This capacity, closely related to the capacity to dissociate, is thought to be a factor in the development of the disorder. However, most children who have these capacities also have normal adaptive mechanisms, and most are sufficiently protected and soothed by adults to prevent development of dissociative identity disorder.[4]

Symptoms
Patients often have a remarkable array of symptoms that can resemble other neurologic and psychiatric disorders, such as anxiety disorders, personality disorders, schizophrenic and mood psychoses, and seizure disorders. Symptoms of this particular disorder can include:

depression
anxiety
(sweating, rapid pulse, palpitations)
phobias
panic attacks
physical
symptoms (severe headaches or other bodily pain)
fluctuating levels of function, from highly effective to disabled
time distortions, time lapse, and amnesia
sexual dysfunction
eating disorders
post traumatic stress
suicidal preoccupations and attempts
episodes of self-mutilation
psychoactive substance abuse[4]

Other symptoms include: Depersonalization, which refers to feeling unreal, removed from one's self, and detached from one's physical and mental processes. The patient feels like an observer of his life and may actually see himself as if he were watching a movie. Derealization refers to experiencing familiar persons and surroundings as if they were unfamiliar and strange or unreal.

Again, doctors must be careful not to assume that a client has MPD or DID simply because they present with some or all of these symptoms. Another factor in the diagnosis is the all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares idea, which is to say that although many of these symptoms may be present in an individual, he or she may not necessarily have DID. For example, someone may have severe PTSD (one symptom) and self mutilate with suicidal
ideas, which is 3 of the above symptoms, but will not have DID. In order for DID to be diagnosed, there must be two or more distinctly present personalities.

Persons with dissociative identity disorder are often told of things they have done but do not remember and of notable changes in their behavior. They may discover objects, productions, or handwriting that they cannot account for or recognize; they may refer to themselves in the first person plural (we) or in the third person (he, she, they); and they may have amnesia for events that occurred between their mid-childhood and early adolescence. Amnesia for earlier events is normal and widespread.

Diagnosis and treatment

Diagnosis
If symptoms seem to be present, the patient should first be evaluated by performing a complete medical history and physical examination. The various diagnostic tests, such as X-rays and blood tests are used to rule out physical illness or medication side effects as the cause of the symptoms. Certain conditions, including brain diseases, head injuries, drug and alcohol
intoxication, and sleep deprivation, can lead to symptoms similar to those of dissociative disorders, including amnesia. If no physical illness is found, the patient might be referred to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Psychiatrists and psychologists use specially designed interview and personality assessment tools to evaluate a person for a dissociative disorder.[5]

Prognosis
Patients can be divided into three groups with regard to prognosis. Those in one group have mainly dissociative symptoms and post traumatic features, generally function well, and generally recover completely with specific treatment. Those in another group have symptoms of other serious psychiatric disorders, such as personality disorders, mood disorders, eating
disorders, and substance abuse disorders. They improve more slowly, and treatment may be either less successful or longer and more crisis-ridden. Patients in the third group not only have severe coexisting psychopathology but may also remain enmeshed with their alleged abusers. Treatment is often long and chaotic and aims to help reduce and relieve symptoms more than to achieve integration. Sometimes therapy helps a patient with a poorer prognosis make
rapid strides toward recovery.[4]

Treatment
Perhaps the most common approach to treatment aims to relieve symptoms, to ensure the safety of the individual, and to reconnect the different identities into one well-functioning identity. There are, however, other equally respected treatment modalities that do not depend upon integrating the separate identities. Treatment also aims to help the person safely express and process painful memories, develop new coping and life skills, restore functioning, and
improve relationships. The best treatment approach depends on the individual and the severity of his or her symptoms. Treatment is likely to include some combination of the following methods:

See also

Multiple personality controversy
DID/MPD in fiction
Healthy multiplicity
Repressed memory
Recovered memory therapy
Shirley Ardell Mason, also known as "Sybil"
Chris Costner-Sizemore also known as "Eve"
Truddi Chase

References

^ Dissociative Disorders and Trauma Program
^ Creating Hysteria by Joan Acocella, 1999.
^ Rethinking the comparison of borderline personality disorder and multiple personality disorder., Marmer SS, Fink D. 1994
^ a b c d Merck.com The Merck Manual.
^ a b Webmd.com

External links

Piper A, Merskey H. The persistence of folly: A critical examination of dissociative identity disorder. Part I. The excesses of an improbable concept. Can J Psychiatry 2004;49:592–600
Piper A, Merskey H. The persistence of folly: A critical examination of dissociative identity disorder. Part II. The defence and decline of multiple personality or dissociative identity disorder. Can J Psychiatry 2004;49:678–83.
Multiple Personality Disorder: Fact or Fiction? Alexandria K. Cherry Rochester Institute of Technology
Guidelines for Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder in Adults (2005) James A. Chu, MD
Dissociative Identity Disorder(formerly Multiple Personality Disorder) Nami.org
Essay from the Skeptic's Dictionary
International Society for the Study of Dissociation
Mental Health Matters: Dissociative Identity Disorder

Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_identity_disorder"
Categories: Articles with unsourced statements Dissociative disorders

This page was last modified 19:04, 4 January 2007.
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What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

2006-07-13T12:06:00.000-04:00

What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder?

A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a psychiatric disorder that can occur following the experience or witnessing of life-threatening events such as military combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents, or violent personal assaults like rape. Most survivors of trauma return to normal given a little time. However, some people will have stress reactions that do not go away on their own, or may even get worse over time. These individuals may develope PTSD. People who suffer from PTSD often relive the experience through nightmares and flashbacks, have difficulty sleeping, and feel detached or estranged, and these symptoms can be severe enough and last long enough to significantly impair the person's daily life.

PTSD is marked by clear biological changes as well as psychological symptoms. PTSD is complicated by the fact that it frequently occurs in conjunction with related disorders such as depression, substance abuse, problems of memory and cognition, and other problems of physical and mental health. The disorder is also associated with impairment of the person's ability to function in social or family life, including occupational instability, marital problems and divorces, family discord, and difficulties in parenting.

Understanding PTSD

PTSD is not a new disorder. There are written accounts of similar symptoms that go back to ancient times, and there is clear documentation in the historical medical literature starting with the Civil War, when a PTSD-like disorder was known as "Da Costa's Syndrome." There are particularly good descriptions of posttraumatic stress symptoms in the medical literature on combat veterans of World War II and on Holocaust survivors.

Careful research and documentation of PTSD began in earnest after the Vietnam War. The National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study estimated in 1988 that the prevalence of PTSD in that group was 15.2% at that time and that 30% had experienced the disorder at some point since returning from Vietnam.

PTSD has subsequently been observed in all veteran populations that have been studied, including World War II, Korean conflict, and Persian Gulf populations, and in United Nations peacekeeping forces deployed to other war zones around the world. There are remarkably similar findings of PTSD in military veterans in other countries. For example, Australian Vietnam veterans experience many of the same symptoms that American Vietnam veterans experience.

PTSD is not only a problem for veterans, however. Although there are unique cultural- and gender-based aspects of the disorder, it occurs in men and women, adults and children, Western and non-Western cultural groups, and all socioeconomic strata. A national study of American civilians conducted in 1995 estimated that the lifetime prevalence of PTSD was 5% in men and 10% in women. A revision of this study done in 2005, reports that PTSD occurs in about 8% of all Americans.

How does PTSD develop?

Most people who are exposed to a traumatic, stressful event experience some of the symptoms of PTSD in the days and weeks following exposure. Available data suggest that about 8% of men and 20% of women go on to develop PTSD, and roughly 30% of these individuals develop a chronic form that persists throughout their lifetimes.

The course of chronic PTSD usually involves periods of symptom increase followed by remission or decrease, although some individuals may experience symptoms that are unremitting and severe. Some older veterans, who report a lifetime of only mild symptoms, experience significant increases in symptoms following retirement, severe medical illness in themselves or their spouses, or reminders of their military service (such as reunions or media broadcasts of the anniversaries of war events).

How is PTSD assessed?

In recent years, a great deal of research has been aimed at developing and testing reliable assessment tools. It is generally thought that the best way to diagnose PTSD-or any psychiatric disorder, for that matter-is to combine findings from structured interviews and questionnaires with physiological assessments. A multi-method approach especially helps address concerns that some patients might be either denying or exaggerating their symptoms.

How common is PTSD?

An estimated 7.8 percent of Americans will experience PTSD at some point in their lives, with women (10.4%) twice as likely as men (5%) to develop PTSD. About 3.6 percent of U.S. adults aged 18 to 54 (5.2 million people) have PTSD during the course of a given year. This represents a small portion of those who have experienced at least one traumatic event; 60.7% of men and 51.2% of women reported at least one traumatic event. The traumatic events most often associated with PTSD for men are rape, combat exposure, childhood neglect, and childhood physical abuse. The most traumatic events for women are rape, sexual molestation, physical attack, being threatened with a weapon, and childhood physical abuse.

About 30 percent of the men and women who have spent time in war zones experience PTSD. An additional 20 to 25 percent have had partial PTSD at some point in their lives. More than half of all male Vietnam veterans and almost half of all female Vietnam veterans have experienced "clinically serious stress reaction symptoms." PTSD has also been detected among veterans of the Gulf War, with some estimates running as high as 8 percent.

Who is most likely to develop PTSD?

1. Those who experience greater stressor magnitude and intensity,
unpredictability, uncontrollability, sexual (as opposed to nonsexual)
victimization, real or perceived responsibility, and betrayal
2. Those with prior vulnerability factors such as genetics, early age of onset and
longer-lasting childhood trauma, lack of functional social support, and
concurrent stressful life events
3. Those who report greater perceived threat or danger, suffering, upset, terror, and horror or fear
4. Those with a social environment that produces shame, guilt, stigmatization, or self-hatred

What are the consequences associated with PTSD?

PTSD is associated with a number of distinctive neurobiological and physiological changes. PTSD may be associated with stable neurobiological alterations in both the central and autonomic nervous systems, such as altered brainwave activity, decreased volume of the hippocampus, and abnormal activation of the amygdala. Both the hippocampus and the amygdala are involved in the processing and integration of memory. The amygdala has also been found to be involved in coordinating the body's fear response.

Psychophysiological alterations associated with PTSD include hyper-arousal of the sympathetic nervous system, increased sensitivity of the startle reflex, and sleep abnormalities.
People with PTSD tend to have abnormal levels of key hormones involved in the body's response to stress. Thyroid function also seems to be enhanced in people with PTSD. Some studies have shown that cortisol levels in those with PTSD are lower than normal and epinephrine and norepinephrine levels are higher than normal. People with PTSD also continue to produce higher than normal levels of natural opiates after the trauma has passed. An important finding is that the neurohormonal changes seen in PTSD are distinct from, and actually opposite to, those seen in major depression. The distinctive profile associated with

PTSD is also seen in individuals who have both PTSD and depression.

PTSD is associated with the increased likelihood of co-occurring psychiatric disorders. In a large-scale study, 88 percent of men and 79 percent of women with PTSD met criteria for another psychiatric disorder. The co-occurring disorders most prevalent for men with PTSD were alcohol abuse or dependence (51.9 percent), major depressive episodes (47.9 percent), conduct disorders (43.3 percent), and drug abuse and dependence (34.5 percent). The disorders most frequently comorbid with PTSD among women were major depressive disorders (48.5 percent), simple phobias (29 percent), social phobias (28.4 percent), and alcohol abuse/dependence (27.9 percent).

PTSD also significantly impacts psychosocial functioning, independent of comorbid conditions. For instance, Vietnam veterans with PTSD were found to have profound and pervasive problems in their daily lives. These included problems in family and other interpersonal relationships, problems with employment, and involvement with the criminal justice system.
Headaches, gastrointestinal complaints, immune system problems, dizziness, chest pain, and discomfort in other parts of the body are common in people with PTSD. Often, medical doctors treat the symptoms without being aware that they stem from PTSD.

How is PTSD treated?
PTSD is treated by a variety of forms of psychotherapy (talk therapy) and drug therapy. There is no definitive treatment, but some treatments appear to be quite promising, especially cognitive-behavioral therapy, group therapy, and exposure therapy. Exposure therapy involves having the patient repeatedly relive the frightening experience under controlled conditions to help him or her work through the trauma. Studies have also shown that medications help ease associated symptoms of depression and anxiety and help with sleep. The most widely used drug treatments for PTSD are the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, such as Prozac and Zoloft.

At present, cognitive-behavioral therapy appears to be somewhat more effective than drug therapy. However, it would be premature to conclude that drug therapy is less effective overall since drug trials for PTSD are at a very early stage. Drug therapy appears to be highly effective for some individuals and is helpful for many more. In addition, the recent findings on the biological changes associated with PTSD have spurred new research into drugs that target these biological changes, which may lead to much increased efficacy.

DID/MPD Explained

2006-03-23T09:50:00.000-05:00

Dissociative Identity Disorder(Multiple Personality Disorder)
A disorder characterized by two or more identities or personalities that alternatively take over the person's behavior.

Amnesia involving an inability to recall important personal information relating to some of the identities is present. Amnesia is not uniform in all personalities; what is not known by one personality may be known by another. Some personalities may appear to know and interact with other personalities in an elaborate inner world. For example, some personalities of which personality A is unaware may be aware of personality A and know what it does, as if observing its behavior. Others may be unaware of personality A or may be aware of personality A but lack co-consciousness (the simultaneous awareness of events by more than one personality) with personality A.

Dissociative identity disorder is serious and chronic and may lead to disability and incapacity. It is associated with a high incidence of suicide attempts and is believed to be more likely to end in suicide than any other mental disorder.

Several studies show that previously undiagnosed dissociative identity disorder is present in 3 to 4% of acute psychiatric inpatients and in a sizable minority of patients in psychoactive substance abuse treatment settings. It appears to be rather common, being diagnosed more frequently in recent years because of enhanced awareness of it, improved diagnostic methods, and increased awareness of childhood mistreatment and its consequences. Although some experts believe that increased reports of this disorder reflect the influence of physicians on suggestible patients, no firm evidence substantiates this view.

Etiology

Dissociative identity disorder is attributed to the interaction of several factors: overwhelming stress, dissociative capacity (including the ability to uncouple one's memories, perceptions, or identity from conscious awareness), the enlistment of steps in normal developmental processes as defenses, and, during childhood, the lack of sufficient nurturing and compassion in response to hurtful experiences or lack of protection against further overwhelming experiences. Children are not born with a sense of a unified identity--it develops from many sources and experiences. In overwhelmed children, its development is obstructed, and many parts of what should have blended into a relatively unified identity remain separate. North American studies show that 97 to 98% of adults with dissociative identity disorder report abuse during childhood and that abuse can be documented for 85% of adults and for 95% of children and adolescents with dissociative identity disorder and other closely related forms of dissociative disorder. Although these data establish childhood abuse as a major cause among North American patients (in some cultures, the consequences of war and disaster play a larger role), they do not mean that all such patients were abused or that all the abuses reported by patients with dissociative identity disorder really happened. Some aspects of some reported abuse experiences may prove to be inaccurate. Also, some patients have not been abused but have experienced an important early loss (such as death of a parent), serious medical illness, or other very stressful events. For example, a patient who required many hospitalizations and operations during childhood may have been severely overwhelmed but not abused.

Human development requires that children be able to integrate complicated and different types of information and experiences successfully. As children achieve cohesive, complex appreciations of themselves and others, they go through phases in which different perceptions and emotions are kept segregated. Each developmental phase may be used to generate different selves. Not every child who experiences abuse or major loss or trauma has the capacity to develop multiple personalities. Patients with dissociative identity disorder can be easily hypnotized. This capacity, closely related to the capacity to dissociate, is thought to be a factor in the development of the disorder. However, most children who have these capacities also have normal adaptive mechanisms, and most are sufficiently protected and soothed by adults to prevent development of dissociative identity disorder.

Symptoms and Signs

Patients often have a remarkable array of symptoms that can resemble other neurologic and psychiatric disorders, such as anxiety disorders, personality disorders, schizophrenic and mood psychoses, and seizure disorders. Most have symptoms of depression, manifestations of anxiety (sweating, rapid pulse, palpitations), phobias, panic attacks, physical symptoms, sexual dysfunction, eating disorders, and posttraumatic stress. Suicidal preoccupations and attempts are common, as are episodes of self-mutilation. Many have abused psychoactive substances at some time.

The switching of personalities and the amnesic barriers between them frequently result in chaotic lives. Because the personalities often interact with each other, patients with dissociative identity disorder often report hearing inner conversations and the voices of other personalities, which often comment on or address the patient. The voices are experienced as hallucinations.
Several symptoms are characteristic of dissociative identity disorder: fluctuating symptom pictures; fluctuating levels of function, from highly effective to disabled; severe headaches or other bodily pain; time distortions, time lapse, and amnesia; and depersonalization and derealization. Depersonalization refers to feeling unreal, removed from one's self, and detached from one's physical and mental processes. The patient feels like an observer of his life and may actually see himself as if he were watching a movie. Derealization refers to experiencing familiar persons and surroundings as if they were unfamiliar and strange or unreal.

Persons with dissociative identity disorder are often told of things they have done but do not remember and of notable changes in their behavior. They may discover objects, productions, or handwriting that they cannot account for or recognize; they may refer to themselves in the first person plural (we) or in the third person (he, she, they); and they may have amnesia for events that occurred between ages 6 and 11. Amnesia for earlier events is normal and widespread.
Because dissociative identity disorder tends to resemble other psychiatric disorders, patients typically give histories of having had three or more different psychiatric diagnoses and of prior treatment failure. As a group, they are very concerned with issues of control, both self-control and control of others.

Diagnosis

The diagnosis requires medical and psychiatric evaluation, including specific questions about dissociative phenomena. Under some circumstances, the psychiatrist may use prolonged interviews, hypnosis, or drug-facilitated interviews and may ask the patient to keep a journal between visits. All of these measures encourage a shift of personality states during the evaluation. Specially designed questionnaires can help identify patients with dissociative identity disorder.

The psychiatrist may attempt to contact and elicit other personalities by asking to speak to the part of the mind involved in behaviors for which the patient had amnesia or that were experienced in a depersonalized or derealized fashion.

Prognosis

Patients can be divided into three groups with regard to prognosis. Those in one group have mainly dissociative symptoms and posttraumatic features, generally function well, and generally recover completely with specific treatment. Those in another group have symptoms of other serious psychiatric disorders, such as personality disorders, mood disorders, eating disorders, and substance abuse disorders. They improve more slowly, and treatment may be either less successful or longer and more crisis-ridden. Patients in the third group not only have severe coexisting psychopathology but may also remain enmeshed with their alleged abusers. Treatment is often long and chaotic and aims to help reduce and relieve symptoms more than to achieve integration. Sometimes therapy helps a patient with a poorer prognosis make rapid strides toward recovery.

Treatment

Symptoms wax and wane spontaneously, but dissociative identity disorder does not resolve spontaneously. Drugs help manage specific symptoms but do not affect the disorder itself. All successful treatments that aim to achieve integration involve psychotherapy that specifically addresses the dissociative identity disorder. Some patients are unable or unwilling to pursue integration. For them, treatment aims to facilitate cooperation and collaboration among the personalities and to reduce symptoms. This treatment is often arduous and painful, and many crises tend to arise as a result of the personalities' actions and the patient's despair when dealing with traumatic memories. One or more periods of psychiatric hospitalization may be necessary to help some patients through difficult times and during the processing of particularly painful memories. Hypnosis is often used to help access the personalities, facilitate communication between them, and stabilize and interpret them. Hypnosis is also used to discuss traumatic memories and diffuse their impact. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), applied cautiously, is a useful adjunct. EMDR tries to process traumatic memories and to replace negative thoughts about self that are associated with these memories with positive ones.

Generally, two or more psychotherapy sessions per week for 3 to >= 6 years are necessary to integrate the personalities or to achieve harmonious interaction among them that allows normal functioning without symptoms. Integration of the personalities is the most desirable outcome.

Psychotherapy has three main phases. In the first phase, the priority is safety, stabilization, and strengthening of the patient in anticipation of the difficult work of processing traumatic material and dealing with problematic personalities. The personality system is explored and mapped to plan the remainder of the treatment. In the second phase, the patient is helped to process the painful episodes of his past and to mourn the losses and other negative consequences of the trauma. As the reasons for the patient's remaining dissociations are addressed, therapy can move to the final phase, in which the patient's selves and relationships and social functioning can be reconnected, integrated, and rehabilitated. Some integration occurs spontaneously, but much must be encouraged by conversing with and arranging the unification of the personalities or must be facilitated with imagery and hypnotic suggestion. After integration, patients continue treatment to deal with some issues that have not been resolved. After postintegration treatment appears complete, visits to the therapist are tapered but are rarely completely terminated. Patients come to think of the psychiatrist as someone who can help them deal with psychologic issues, just as they periodically need assistance from a primary care physician.

Catching Up

2005-09-09T13:31:00.000-04:00

9 September 2005

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything in here, and I apologize to any reader who looks for information here.

It’s rough, dealing with depression, acute chronic pain, multiple personalities, and abuse issues that still are active in my life.

You see, I’m not doing well. Many of my “family members” or some would call them personalities, personas, or manifestations, are in a dangerous downward slide. I have 2 or 3 family members who are self destructive, and or suicidal.

It does not help that one of the main abusers in my life… is still in my life, and trying her damnedest to ruin me. Not a meeting goes by where she does not put me down for one reason or another. “Can’t you clean up this mess?” “Why do you dress that way?” (I’m in my pajamas when she says this) It doesn’t matter what I do, I cannot please the thing called mother.

Meanwhile, Father-dearest stands by and does nothing. He says nothing, he doesn’t intervene. He thinks they have a right to talk to me in this manner.

I am disabled. It is part psyche, part physical. I broke my back twice. I cannot bend well, lift anything, twist my torso from left to right nor right to left. I needed spinal injections just last month. I have to rely on the parental things when I cannot drive or do anything, because they stuck me out in the middle of no-where so that if my car breaks down, I have absolutely no alternative transportation.

When I got the injections, I was not able to drive afterwards. This meant my father (or mother-dearest) had to come pick me up (an hour drive away), drive me to my appointment (back towards where they live – an hour away) wait for me to get the injections and then drive me back..

My fat headed father was pissed off at me – the second set of shots because my most wonderful (in their eyes) Brother had to be at the airport to go to Ireland. So.. I got a hard time from my father about the appointment, and how he was not sure he’d be able to take me.. come to find out, my brother was not leaving the area until 7pm at night, and my appointment was for 10am. HOW on earth did my appointment mess up HIS most glorious schedule???

My brothers can do no wrong, yet I am not able to do anything right. I am pissed at this. They drag me back to NY so I can be closer to “Family.” Well.. I have no ties to my “Family” here. No-one cares that I am alive and breathing.. unless they have something to scream at me about.

There are things that need fixing around my house. I’ve tried time and again to get help doing them. They are supposed to be my landlords. I am supposed to be a tenant. Yet it goes 2 months before my lawn is mowed, I’ve asked 15 times to get stone put down between the end of my deck step and the gate leading out to the driveway (a total of 3-1/2 to 4 feet), and yet.. I still keep asking. However, if Mr.Wonderful brother asks for ANYTHING.. it’s there in a heartbeat.

Do I sound jealous? I’m not. I don’t want anything from my parents other than for them to get off my back. I’m done with them. I can’t afford to be here. I’m sick over what the new heating costs are going to be this winter, and I KNOW I’m going to hear about that. I might as well turn my bills over to them, and my paycheck.. and say “HERE You do the math!”

My younger brother is a loser. He works full time as a respiratory therapist. He owns several houses that he rents out apartments in. Yet he still lives with mommy and daddy. He’s 41 years old, and has not lived on his own for more than a few months at a time before he comes crawling back home.

He’s getting married to a woman he met through our sister-in-law. They’ve only talked on the computer and on the phone until just recently when my brother worked up the courage to go to Ireland to meet her. Now he plays the lovesick teenager, all drool and sap. It’s sickening to watch, because it is fake. He is too tightly wrapped in the umbilical cord that has never been severed to ever leave mommy. Oh, he’ll get married alright.. but the marriage won’t last. She will never measure up or replace his mommy.

I have two older brothers as well. One has fallen out of the graces of the mother’s eyes. He told her off, she told him off, he’s living with a woman my mother can’t stand (nor can I), he is an abuser, so I do not miss him. I wonder how many broken ribs his new woman will end up with. I know his ex- was not treated well. He threw her around as well as their son. I do not miss him, nor consider having lost him. Good Riddance.

My Oldest brother is only five miles from me. I hear nothing from him, nor his wife. I never know when they are home. I hear things second hand from my parental things.. like a couple weeks ago my sister-in-law wrapped her car around a telephone pole. Why didn’t THEY inform me, instead of my parents?
It’s simple, I’m second class in this family. I’m a burden, and not something they want around.

It’s no wonder that I have “Family” who are self destructive and suicidal. With all that “well deserved” treatment I get from my parental beings, and lack of support I get from the rest of the family… why would someone care to continue on in this existence?

Child Abuse Can Cause Permanent Damage to the Brain, Body, and Emotional Well-Being

2005-04-23T09:38:00.000-04:00

In the first years of life, a child is especially vulnerable to abuse, not only because of their physical fragility, but also because the early years can be an especially challenging time for even the most well-meaning parents.

Many cases of child abuse aren’t intentional acts of violence committed by violent, uncaring parents--rather, child abuse often occurs in an instant of unthinking frustration and anger. An instant of uncontrolled anger is all it takes to shake a baby and inflict permanent brain damage, to yank a small arm out of its socket, or to inflict alarming physical pain and longlasting emotional injury.

Abuse During Childhood Can Permanently Rewire and Restructure the Brain

Researchers at McLean Hospital, the largest psychiatric affiliate of Harvard Medical School, have found that child abuse and neglect can "rewire" the developing brain. When brain circuitry is altered during the formative years it may eventually cause such disorders as anxiety and depression to more readily surface in adulthood.

According to Martin Teicher, MD, PhD, director of the Developmental Biopsychiatry Research Program, "science shows that childhood maltreatment may produce changes in both brain function and structure. These changes are permanent. This is not something people can just get over and get on with their lives."

During the course of their studies, the researchers found that four abnormalities are more likely to be present in victims of child abuse and neglect:

Changes to the Limbic System, the area of the brain that, together with the hypothalamus, controls hunger, thirst, emotional reactions and biological rhythms. In addition, it coordinates complex activities requiring a sequence of performance steps. Changes to the limbic system can result in epileptic seizures and abnormal electroencephalograms (EEG), usually affecting the left hemisphere of the brain, which is associated with more self-destructive behavior and more aggression.

Deficient Development of the Left Side of the Brain, which can contribute to depression and impaired memory.

Impaired Corpus Callosum, the pathway integrating the two hemispheres of the brain, which can result in dramatic shifts in mood and personality.

Increased Blood Flow in the Cerebellar Vermis, the part of the brain involved in emotion, attention, and regulation of the limbic system, which can disrupt emotional balance.

Animal studies have shown that neglect and emotional trauma triggers changes in hormones and neurotransmitters within parts of the brain that are responsible for regulating fear and anxiety. The researchers suggest that this may also occur in children. As Teicher emphasizes, "We know that an animal exposed to stress and neglect early in life develops a brain that is wired to experience fear, anxiety and stress. We think the same is true of people."

In July 2000, the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reported that early emotional abuse can distort the processes of attachment and affective development. Child abuse and neglect could also impair the individual’s capacity to develop appropriate emotional responses, leading to lifelong emotional and social difficulties.

From: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/abuse/index.php

Children and Trauma

2005-04-10T09:43:00.000-04:00

What are traumatic life experiences?
Traumatic life experiences challenge a person's normal coping efforts. For children and adolescents, traumatic experiences include such things as sexual and other physical abuse and neglect, peer or family suicide, dog bites, severe burns, natural disasters (e.g. floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, etc.), fires, and medical procedures.

It can be traumatic for children to witness or experience violent crimes (e.g., kidnapping, sniper fire, and school shootings) or vehicle accidents such as automobile and plane crashes. Witnessing assault, rape, or murder of a parent can also be traumatic for children. Traumatic life events are fairly common in childhood. Research suggests that 14 to 43% of children have experienced at least one traumatic event in their lifetime.

What is the range of responses?
There is a wide range of responses to catastrophic events. Some children and teenagers experience temporary worries and fears that get better quickly.

Others experience long-term problems such as fear, depression, withdrawal, anger, haunting memories, avoiding reminders of the event, regressive behavior (acting younger than their actual age), worrying about themselves and others dying or being hurt, and irritability.

Reactions can occur immediately after the event or weeks later.

Children who have had traumatic experiences may have difficulty sleeping or have nightmares. They may avoid activities, situations, thoughts, or conversations that may be related to the traumatic events, even if other people don't perceive them as related (e.g., a child who was eating corn flakes on the morning of a terrible event may not want to eat corn flakes).

They may play in ways that repeat something from their traumatic experiences (e.g., twirling or hiding under things after exposure to a tornado). They may recreate aspects of the traumatic experience in their behavior (e.g., a child who was exposed to a fire may set fires).

They may not want to be with people as much as before. They may avoid school, have trouble with schoolwork, or feel unable to pay attention. They may not want to play as much, avoid certain kinds of play, or lose interest in things they once enjoyed.

They may be sad or seem to have less emotion or feel guilty about things they did or did not do related to the traumatic experience.

Young children (age 5 and younger) may experience new fears such as separation anxiety or fear of strangers or animals. They may act younger or lose a skill they have already mastered (such as toilet training).

Elementary school-aged children (6 to 11) may get parts of the traumatic experience confused or out of order when recalling the memory. They may complain of body symptoms that have no medical cause (e.g., stomach aches). They may stare into space or seem "spacey," or startle easily.

Adolescents (12 to 18) may experience visual, auditory, or bodily flashbacks of the events, have unwanted distressing thoughts or images of the events, demonstrate impulsive and aggressive behaviors, or use alcohol or drugs to try to feel better. They may feel depressed or have suicidal thoughts.

What are the risk factors for long-term problems?
Children are at greater risk for developing problems if the traumatic event was very severe (death, injury, bloody scenes), if the child's parents are extremely distressed in the aftermath of the traumatic event, or if the child was directly exposed to the event (versus hearing about it later).

In addition, risk increases if the event is an interpersonal trauma (caused by another person) such as rape and assault or if the child or adolescent has been exposed to numerous stressful life events previously or has a pre-existing mental health problem.

None of these risk factors means that the child will definitely have problems, but the risk factors increase the probability a child or teenager might develop problems after an extremely stressful event.

What can adults do to help?

Let the child know it's normal to feel upset when something bad or scary happens
Encourage the child to express feelings and thoughts, without making judgments
Protect the child or adolescent from further exposure to traumatic events, as much as possible
Return to normal routines as much as possible
School can be a major healing environment as the child's most important routine.
Educate school personnel about the child's needs. Reassure the child that it was not his or her fault, that adults will try to take care of him or her, etc.
Allow the child to feel sad or cry
Give the child a sense of control and choice by offering reasonable options about daily activities (choosing meals, clothes, etc.)
If the child regresses (or starts to do things he or she did when younger), adults can help by being supportive, remembering that it is a common response to trauma, and not criticizing the behavior

Adults can be most helpful if they take care of themselves and get help for their own distress, since children and adolescents may respond to adults' feelings and reactions.

Most children and adolescents will recover within a few weeks with such support. However some children may require more help.

Responsible adults who are concerned about their child's reaction to a very stressful event may want to consider seeking the help of a mental health professional who is trained in helping children with traumatic responses or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Therapies can be individual, group or family sessions that include talking, drawing and writing about the event. In some cases medication can be helpful.

A family doctor, clergy person, local mental health association, state psychiatric, psychological, or social work association, or health insurer may be helpful in providing a referral to a counselor or therapist with experience in treating children affected by traumatic stress.

For more information about traumatic stress or the International Society of Traumatic Stress Studies, call 847-480-9028.

Self Injury Fact Sheet

2005-03-06T05:49:00.000-05:00

source: Deb Martinson

Self-injury basics:

Most researchers agree that self injury (SI) is self-inflicted physical harm severe enough to cause tissue damage or marks that last for several hours, done without suicidal intent or intent to attain sexual pleasure. Body markings (piercing, tattooing, etc) that are done as part of a spiritual ritual or for ornamentation purposes generally aren't considered SI.
SI generally is done as a way of coping with overwhelming psychophysiological arousal. This can be to express emotion, to deal with feelings of unreality or numbness, to make flashbacks stop, to punish the self and stop self-hating thoughts, or to deal with a feeling of impending explosion. SI is more about relieving tension or distress than is it about anything else.

Although cutting is the most common form of SI, burning and head-banging are also very common. Other forms include biting, skin-picking, hair-pulling, hitting the body with objects or hitting objects with the body, etc.

SI is a crude, ultimately destructive coping mechanism, but it works. That's why it sometimes seems to have addictive qualities. To help a client, you must offer more effective coping strategies as replacement. Learning these ways can take time; punishing a client or patient for coping in the only way s/he knows how can make therapy unworkable.

Most people who self-injure hate the term "self-mutilation." That phrase speaks to intent and maiming the body is usually not the intent of SI anyway. Better phrases are self-inflicted violence, self-harm, and self-injury.

Who is likely to self-injure:

Self-injurers come from all walks of life and all economic brackets. People who harm themselves can be male or female; gay, straight, or bi; Ph.D.s or high-school dropouts; rich or poor; from any country in the world. Some people who SI manage to function effectively in demanding jobs; they are teachers, therapists, medical professionals, lawyers, professors, engineers. Some are on disability. Some are highly-achieving high-school students.

Their ages range from early teens to early 60s, maybe older and younger. In fact, the incidence of self-injury is about the same as that of eating disorders, but because it's so highly stigmatized, most people hide their scars, burns, and bruises carefully. They also have excuses to pull out when someone asks about the scars (there are a lot of really vicious cats around).

People who deliberately harm themselves are no more psychotic than people who drown their sorrows in a bottle of vodka are. It's a coping mechanism, just not one that's as understandable to most people and as accepted by society as alcoholism, drug abuse, overeating, anorexia, bulimia, workaholism, smoking cigarettes, and other forms of problem avoidance are.

Self-injury is VERY RARELY a failed suicide attempt. People who inflict physical harm on themselves are often doing it in an attempt to maintain psychological integrity -- it's a way to keep from killing themselves. They release unbearable feelings and pressures through self-harm, and that eases their urge toward suicide. Some people who self-injure do later attempt suicide, but they almost always use a method different from their preferred method of self-harm. Self-injury is a maladaptive coping mechanism, a way to stay alive. Unfortunately, some people don't understand this and think that involuntary commitment is the only way to deal with a person who self-harms. Hospitalization, especially forced, can do more harm than good.

What helps people who self-injure:

Medications (mood stabilizers, anxiolytics, antidepressants, and some of the newer neuroleptics) have been tried with some success. There is no magic pill for stopping self-harm (naltrexone, though effective in people with developmental disabilities, doesn't seem to work nearly as well in other patients). Many therapeutic approaches have been and are being developed to help self-harmers learn new coping mechanisms and teach them how to start using those techniques instead of self-injury. They reflect a growing belief among mental-health workers that once a client's patterns of self-inflicted violence stabilize, real work can be done on the problems and issues underlying the self-injury.

This does not mean that patients should be coerced into stopping self-injury. Any attempts to reduce or control the amount of self-harm a person does should be based in the client's willingness to undertake the difficult work of controlling and/or stopping self-injury. Treatment should not be based on a practitioner's personal feelings about the practice of self-harm.

Self-injury brings out many uncomfortable feelings in people: revulsion, anger, fear, and distaste, to name a few. If a medical professional is unable to cope with her own feelings about self-harm, then she has an obligation to herself and to her client to find a practitioner willing to do this work. In addition, she has the responsibility to be certain the client understands that the referral is due to her own inability to deal with self-injury and not to any inadequacies in the client.

People who self-injure do generally do so because of an internal dynamic, and not in order to annoy, anger or irritate others. Their self-injury is a behavioral response to an emotional state, and is usually not done in order to frustrate caretakers. In emergency rooms, people with self-inflicted wounds are often told directly and indirectly that they are not as deserving of care as someone who has an accidental injury. They are treated badly by the same doctors who would not hesitate to do everything possible to preserve the life of an overweight, sedentary heart-attack patient.

Doctors in emergency rooms and urgent-care clinics should be sensitive to the needs of patients who come in to have self-inflicted wounds treated. If the patient is calm, denies suicidal intent, and has a history of SI, the doctor should treat the wounds as they would treat accidental injuries. Refusing anesthesia for stitches, making disparaging remarks, and treating the patient as an inconvenient nuisance simply further the feelings of invalidation and unworthiness the self-injurer has. It is useful to offer mental-health follow-up services; however, psychological evaluations with an eye toward hospitalization should be avoided in the ER unless the person is clearly a danger to him/herself or to others. In places where people know that seeking treatment for self-inflicted injuries are liable to lead to mistreatment and lengthy psychological evaluations, they are much less likely to seek medical attention for their wounds and thus are at a higher risk for wound infections and other complications.

References:

Alderman, T. (1997). The Scarred Soul: Understanding and Ending Self-Inflicted Violence. Oakland: New Harbinger.

Coccaro, E. F., Kavoussi, R. J. , Sheline, Y. I., Berman, M. E., & Csernansky, J. G. (1997). Impulsive aggression in personality disorder correlates with platelet 5-HT2A receptor binding. Neuropsychopharmacology, 16(3), 211-216.

Crawford, M. J., Turnbull, G., & Wessely, S. (1998). Deliberate self-harm assessment by accident and emergency staff -- an intervention study. Journal of Accident and Emergency Medicine, 15(1), 18-22.

Favazza, A. R. (1998). The coming of age of self-mutilation. Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 186(5), 259-68.

Favazza, A. R. (1996). Bodies Under Siege: Self-Mutilation and Body Modification in Culture and Psychiatry, 2nd ed. Baltimore: The Johns Hopkins University Press.

Haines, J., Williams, C. L., Brain, K. L., Wilson, G. V. (1995). The psychophysiology of self-mutilation. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 104(3), 471-489.

Hawton, K., Arensman, E., Townsend, E., et al. (1998). Deliberate self harm: systematic review of efficacy of psychosocial and pharmacological treatments in preventing repetition. BMJ, 317(7156), 441-7.

Herpertz, S., Sass, H., & Favazza, A. R. (1997). Impulsivity in self-mutilative behavior: psychometric and biological findings. Journal ofPsychiatric Research, 31(4), 451-465.

Herpertz, S., Steinmeyer, S. M., Marx, D., et al. (1995). The significance of aggression and impulsivity for self-mutilative behavior. Pharmacopsychiatry, 28(Suppl 2), 64-72

Hogg, C. & Burke, M. (1998). Many people think self-injury is just a form of attention seeking. Nursing Times, 94(5), 53.

Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder and Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: The Guilford Press.

Miller, D. (1994). Women Who Hurt Themselves: A Book of Hope and Understanding. New York: BasicBooks.

New, A. S., Trestman, R. L., Mitropoulou, V., et al. (1997). Serotonergic function and self-injurious behavior in personality disorder patients. Psychiatry Research, 69(1), 17-26.

Simpson, E. B., Pistorello, J., Begin, A., et al. (1998). Use of dialectical behavior therapy in a partial hospital program for women with borderline personality disorder. Psychiatric Services, 49(5). 669-73.

Solomon, Y. & Farrand, J. (1996). "Why don't you do it properly?" Young women who self-injure. Journal of Adolescence, 19(2), 111-119.

Stein, D. J., Trestman, R. L., Mitropoulou, V., et al. (1996). Impulsivity and serotonergic function in compulsive personality disorder. Journal of Neuropsychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences, 8(4), 393-398.

Strong, Marilee. (1998). A Bright Red Scream. New York: Viking.

MPD/DID Key Findings Quick Facts

2005-02-18T13:36:00.000-05:00

From the National Foundation for the Prevention and Treatment of Multiple Personality

Victims of multiple personality disorder (MPD) are persons who perceive themselves, or who are perceived by others, as having two or more distinct and complex personalities. The person's behavior is determined by the personality that is dominant at a given time.

Multiple personality disorder is not always incapacitating. Some MPD victims maintain responsible positions, complete graduate degrees, and are successful spouses and parents prior to diagnosis and while in treatment.

A MPD victim (a multiple) suffers from "lost time," amnesia or "black-out spells," which lead the victim to deny his/her behavior and to "forget" events and experiences. This may result in accusations of lying and manipulation and may cause severe confusion for the undiagnosed multiple.

More than 75% of MPD victims report having personalities in their system who are under 12 years of age. Personalities of the opposite sex or with differing styles are also common. Personalities within a multiple system often hold conflicting values and behave in ways that are incompatible with one another.

97% of MPD victims report a history of childhood trauma, most commonly a combination of emotional, physical and sexual abuse.

Multiple personality disorder can be reduced or prevented by early diagnosis and treatment of traumatized children and by working to eliminate abusive environments.

While usually not diagnosed until adulthood, 89% of MPD victims have been mis-diagnosed include: depression, borderline and sociopathic personality disorder, schizophrenia, epilepsy and manic depressive illness.

When they first enter treatment, most MPD victims are not aware of the existence of other personalities.

MPD victims require treatment techniques which specifically address the unique aspects of the disorder. Standard psychiatric interventions used in the treatment of schizophrenia, depression and other disorders are ineffectual or harmful in the treatment of MPD.

Appropriate treatment results in a significant improvement in the quality of life for the MPD victim. Improvements commonly include reduction or elimination of: confusion, feelings of fear and panic, self- destructive thoughts and behavior, internal conflicts and stressful periods of indecision.

Multiple personality disorder has been recognized by physicians since the 17th century. While often confused with the relatively new diagnosis of schizophrenia throughout most of the 20th century, MPD is again being understood as a legitimate and discrete disorder.

Multiple personality disorder IS treatable!

Mother-Daughter Sexual Abuse

2005-01-27T13:03:00.000-05:00

source: Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist

Sexual abuse perpetrated by mothers on their daughters is an uncomfortable subject for many people. It defies everything we believe, or want to believe, about women and mothers. Most people don't want to believe that female perpetrators of sexual abuse exist, and certainly don't want to believe that a mother could sexually abuse her own children.

Sexist Views About Women and Mothers

Most of us are raised to view women as being very different than men - to view them almost as opposites. Some people can't even imagine women doing the same things that men do, or being anything like men. Even when cultures view women to be strong, capable, and competent most continue to view women as inherently different than men because of their child-bearing abilities. Many character traits are presumed to be true about women because of their ability to bear children - women are believed to be more caring, sensitive, nurturing, and maternal than men. The reality that there are female perpetrators of sexual abuse, particularly mothers, is a fact that many people are not willing to believe.

Heterosexist Views Of Women and Mothers

This view of mothers, and even of all women, runs very deep in most cultures, and is linked with another assumption - that all women (and particularly mothers) are heterosexual.

Heterosexism and Homophobia

Sexual abuse has nothing to do with the perpetrator's sexuality or sexual identity; most abusers identify as heterosexual. Sexual abuse is not sex. Yet because of homophobia, same-sex sexual abuse is linked in most people's minds with lesbian or gay sex. How often do we see in the newspapers exclaiming "lesbian sex abuser" but not "heterosexual sex abuser?" It is an ingrained presumption.

This presumption is important to examine for many reasons. That the perpetrator is perceived to be lesbian fuels many people's denial. Mothers can't be lesbian, the thinking goes, therefore the abuse couldn't have happened. On the other hand, some people may be more likely to believe that the abuse happened, precisely because they perceive the perpetrator to be lesbian. It confirms their belief that lesbians are child molesters. When this occurs people are far more outraged than they are with father-daughter sexual abuse because a female perpetrator of incest is seen to have violated not only the heavy social expectations of the way mothers should act and be, but also of women.

How People View Mother-Daughter Sexual Abuse

People tend to feel far more conflicted and confused about mother-daughter sexual abuse - or female perpetrators generally - than they are about father-daughter sexual abuse (or male perpetrators). People respond with outright denial: "A mother wouldn't do that sort of thing." Others minimize the abuse: "How bad could it be? The abuser was a woman; she was probably gentle." And still others vilify female perpetrators, viewing them as worse than male perpetrators because they are women or mothers.

Some people try to explain away the behavior of female perpetrators by pointing to the history of sexual abuse that they have undergone. Having been sexual abused is one factor that can contribute to a mother abusing her own daughter (although there are plenty of survivors who do not sexually abuse children) - and it is possibly one of the more important factors that might lead female perpetrators to sexually abuse their children because they, unlike men, aren't socially conditioned to be sexually aggressive, or to sexualize children. However, this argument should not be used to minimize the responsibility of female perpetrators nor the devastating effects of this form of abuse.

It is not uncommon when female perpetrators are discussed, the tone is often distinctly softer and more sympathetic than when male perpetrators are discussed. This misplaced sexist sympathy for female perpetrators minimizes the effects of the abuse that a survivor went through and denies a survivor's reality of the trauma. In addition, when survivors are aware of this attitude, and many are, it can make it even harder for them to take their own abuse, and the effects of that abuse seriously.

Survivors of Mother-Daughter Sexual Abuse

Imagine how a survivor of mother-daughter sexual abuse feels, when the general population who has not undergone this trauma feels this confused and conflicted about it. Survivors tend to be very confused and conflicted about the abuse and their mothers, especially when, as usually is the case, their mothers were their primary care givers. They may have a lot invested in not acknowledging that the abuse happened - both because of their own beliefs about mothers (nevermind the emotional trauma of acknowledging the abuse), and because of the often rigid assumptions made by others about mothers.

When survivors of mother-daughter incest are able to acknowledge the abuse they experienced, they often believe that there must be something terribly wrong or bad about them. "How could my own mother sexually abuse me?" This belief that they are bad comes from the myth that mothers are intrinsically caring and loving. If all mothers are loving to their children, the thinking goes, then there must be something really bad about the child whose mother abused them. It makes sense that a child would think this way, especially in a context loaded with societal myths about mothers. It's easier for a child to believe that the abuse is her fault than to admit that the person who was supposed to love and protect her actually harmed her. Sadly, this way of thinking is carried into adulthood by many survivors, and it hurts them a great deal.

That Which Has No Name

It is very difficult for even survivors themselves to acknowledge that they were abused by their mothers because of the sexist beliefs many of us hold about women, and particularly mothers. It can be a great struggle to label their experience as abuse. Survivors may not have words to describe what happened; they may not know what to call it. They may fear that the incest was lesbian sex; something "dirty" - not to be talked about or admitted. They may be afraid of being perceived as lesbian, or afraid that the abuse makes them lesbian. Survivors who are lesbian may fear that their sexuality was caused by the abuse.

It is also difficult for survivors to acknowledge their abuse because there are very few places that survivors can hear or read about mother-daughter incest, or even about female perpetrators. Sexual abuse and incest have become almost synonymous with male sexual abuse of females and father-daughter incest. It is within this vacuum that survivors of mother-daughter incest struggle to make sense of and understand their experience.

Homophobic Beliefs - One Effect of The Abuse

Many people confuse same-sex sexual abuse with lesbian sex, thinking that the perpetrator and even the victim is lesbian, or was made lesbian by the abuse. None of this is true. Yet these myths continue to exist, and they confuse and haunt many survivors who live in fear and shame that they really are lesbian when they aren't, or that their lesbian sexuality was caused by the abuse.

Being abused by her mother does not make a survivor a lesbian. Even if the survivor's body physiologically responded to the sexual stimulation, this has nothing to do with sexuality. It is the body's natural physiological response to stimulation, and has nothing to do with the survivor's own sexual desires, or even consent. Sexual abuse effects a survivor's comfort level with and responses to being a sexual person, but it does not cause her sexuality.

Identifying With Mother Perpetrators

Even when survivors acknowledge that they were sexually abused by their mothers, they often strongly identify with their mothers. Just both of them being female in a sexist society can lead to identification with the mother. This identification with the perpetrator can make it more difficult for survivors to separate themselves, emotionally and otherwise, from their abuser.

Many daughters look to their mothers as a mirror for their future lives. Survivors of mother-daughter sexual abuse often see their future as a woman and mother as dismal. Many adult survivors painfully worry that they will sexually abuse children, that they are unsafe around children, or that they are potential perpetrators - just like their mothers. This may lead survivors to feel that they are untrustworthy, thus many survivors are reluctant to have children of their own (although the choice to not have children can be a perfectly healthy choice on its own.)

Are They Victims Or Are They Abusers?

Daughters, and thus many survivors, often look to their mother's experiences (in the home and with their fathers) as their future, and identify with their mother's situation. If their mother is in an upsetting situation, survivors will often feel empathy for their mothers, and want to help them. This is heightened for survivors whose mothers turn to them for support.

If the perpetrator views herself as a victim of circumstances, or is a victim of her husband, the survivor often feels sorry for her and fears losing her. This dynamic makes it very hard for the daughter to see her mother as an abuser. Many of us tend to see people in extreme categories - either victim or abuser. For children, this either-or-thinking is the norm, but for survivors it often remains with them and becomes entrenched. The truth is that people can be both - victims in one context, and abusers in another.

"I Feel Like I Am My Mother"

The more a survivor identifies with her mother, the harder it is to separate her identity from her abuser - a crucial step in healing. Many survivors of mother-daughter incest report looking in the mirror and seeing their mothers, and hating themselves for it. When they see their own body naked (which they may avoid doing), many survivors see their mother's body, and as a result feel deeply ashamed of and angry at their bodies. Some survivors respond to these feelings by not wanting to be women, or lesbian (as they may perceive their mother to be), or anything associated with women or lesbians.

The feelings of shame and self-hatred that survivors can have may lead to their feeling uncomfortable with and/or hatred toward women and lesbians; inadequate and bad about themselves; confused and ashamed about being women; uncomfortable with their sexuality; engaging in self-injurious behavior (particularly in the genital and breast area); developing an eating disorder; experiencing body shame; and having difficulties in relationships, particularly with other women.

It is crucial for survivors of mother-daughter sexual abuse to create boundaries with their mothers (physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual); to re-claim their bodies as their own, and to truly know the differences between themselves and their mothers.

Longing for a Mother's Love

Mother-daughter sexual abuse wounds survivors' hearts and souls. Their mothers were often their only care-givers and the only source of much-needed care. When this care is mixed with sexual abuse, the effects are devastating. This mixture of nurturance (if there was any) and sexual abuse may have been all the parenting a survivor received. Often the father was absent or simply did not take an active role in parenting. This mixture of caring and sexual abuse leaves survivors with an unpleasant, and often sickening or repulsive feeling. On the one hand, the survivor desperately needed to be loved, held, kissed, and nurtured, but when that nurturance comes with such a high price, it is devastating to the child's psyche. Even nurturance that is offered separate from the sexual abuse becomes hard to trust or to take in freely and openly. This leaves many survivors feeling a desperate need for love, and at the same time, highly conflicted about that need, and wary of those, particularly women who offer support. The grief connected to not receiving safe love from a mother or primary caregiver is profound.

Summing Up the Effects of Mother-Daughter Sexual Abuse

While survivors of mother-daughter sexual abuse experience many of the same effects as other incest and sexual abuse survivors, they tend to have heightened difficulties with:

Naming their experience as abuse. This is particularly true in light of the myth
that women do not sexually abuse children
Identity. Many survivors have difficulty knowing that they are separate from and different than their perpetrators.
Boundaries. Many survivors have difficulty maintaining their boundaries, specially with other women. They may be overly flexible or overly rigid.
Self-blame. This is particularly true in light of the fact that they were abused by their mothers who are mythologized as all loving and caring.
Gender identity. Many survivors do not want to be a woman, have trouble identifying as women, or do not like what they perceive women to be, because the abuser was a woman.
Gender shame. Many survivors feel great shame about being a woman because of their identification with the perpetrator.
Body shame. Survivors often feel great shame about their bodies, particularly their bodies' womanliness, because the perpetrator had a woman's body.
Homophobic fears about one's actual or perceived sexuality. Survivors are often very confused about the differences between sexual abuse and lesbian sexuality, and may believe the myth that abuse causes a survivor's sexuality.
Longing to be loved. Survivors frequently have a profound need to be loved in the way that they were not as a child, and they may fear or be unable to accept it, particularly from other women.

Final Thoughts

Abuse is never pleasant. However, mother-daughter sexual abuse seems to provoke particularly strong reactions in people, even those working in the area of trauma. Sometimes, when mother-daughter sexual abuse is acknowledged, people feel the need to say that it doesn't happen as frequently as father-daughter sexual abuse, or that women aren't as violent as men. Even if those things are true, it is not helpful information when listening to and understanding women who have been sexually abused by their mothers (or other women). If we want to create a safe environment for women to speak about their experiences, we need to talk and write about the fact that women and mothers do sexually abuse children. Only in that environment will survivors be truly free to tell their stories and heal themselves.

© Kali Munro, 2001 (reprinted with permission)

Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist (416) 929-4612

mail@KaliMunro.com
www.KaliMunro.com

A Lot Has Happened since I last visited...

2005-01-22T18:01:00.000-05:00

Hospitalization SUCKS If you have to go .. go.. but don't let them stop your meds! My doctor saw fit to stop everything but the damn glucophage and Glucotrol.. cuz I'm a diabetic.. maybe i shoulda left that off the chart. They feed ya like shit, and keep pokin' you with needles... and give ME fake sugar.. which they refuse to remember that I'm ALLERGIC TO!!! ALSO: I take a very potent nerve pain medication. They quit giving that to me right away..as per normal hospital bureaucracy. NEVER Stop taking nerve pain medication abruptly... EVER... unless you want to suffer. I take it for severe lower back pain.. guess what... I suffered.. on top of that.. they give me this foam mattress on wood bed.. like in a prison, and this is supposed to be one of our Capitol's finest Hospitals??? Oh what a wonderful experience.

3 Nights on that bed and this crap before they could transfer me off the "NUTHATCH WARD" and onto the "NOT SO NUTTY" ward, where I actually had a regular Hospital Bed.. that I could adjust. Showers.. however.. centrally located in front of the nurses' station... where EVERYBODY hangs out.. NOT my cuppa tea.. I waited til I got home thank you very much! I just washed up in my bathroom as best I could.

What got me to go in the first place?

Suicide.. is painless.. it brings on many changes.. rings in my ears for weeks on end. I know the words to this song .. mostly by heart. ALL of the stanzas.. not just the chorus. I try, desperately to bury my head in the sand.. to keep from hearing Janet singing this.. because she sings it so loud.. that even I .. who am not co-conscious can hear her voice almost clearly.

Desperate e-mails and phone calls to my wonderful therapist, and burying myself into a video game that I deem as harmless keep me occupied... but is the Video Game harmless? I'm told it may not be.

It's called America's Army.. and my 'nickname' on there is Cutemdown.. pronounced Cut 'Em Down ... hmm very very close to one of my 'family member's' name.. "Cutter".. who does what his name implies. Who... although he has not acted out yet.. he's been felt nearby. Whenever Janet is active.. so is Cutter. Janet.. is the suicidal one, Cutter, the pain releaser. I think there are others inside who are also very very sad... but I do not know of them.. These two.. I know about from past experiences that I've managed to survive... barely.

America's Army is as the name implies.. An Army shoot-em-up game... what makes this game different.. is it is a MMPRG.. Massively Multiple Player Game, run by the US Army. (And others). when you play, your 'character' "=WFC=(clan tag)1Lt.(my rank)Cutemdown moves around.. all you see of yourself.. is the gun, or hands in front of you, and the terrain of the map you are playing, your teammates, and if you're "Lucky" or "Unlucky" .. the Enemy - or as they call them "OpFor" (Opposing Forces).

OpFor .. are not computer generated graphics.. they are actual graphics motorized by other players. Thus - MMPRG. It makes the game intense, hard to play, FUN, and.... possibly a release, or ... a draw for someone deep inside. I personally am not violent, I am not a foul mouthed person, yet the Clan (group of people I joined to play with) ... "Cutemdown" swears up a storm sometimes... and at others... commits suicide runs.. and so-on...

Now.. I play this game.. and I yell at people who swear up a storm. I'm sure I confuse the "Boys" as I call them to pieces.. as I'm sure they've heard me swearing one minute, and yelling at them for swearing the next. I call them "The Boys" because I'm one of two females in the AA division of WFC.. I recruited the other woman, my friend Beth... we're both the 'oldest'. The oldest of the "Boys" is 34..close.. but many 16 yr olds, and 18 yr olds, and younger.

Anyhow.. don't know if this is a good game for me or not. I love the game. I love playing with the boys. I'm hanging out in the chat server as I type this up. I played for 5 hrs straight last night .. with the guys.. I don't remember 5 hours going by.. but I know my butt was sore from sitting for so long, and I was having a ball getting back with the "Boys" after being in the Hospital for a week. The actually more than 5 hours of game play ( the 5 hrs was just one map ) .. was more a social thing for me than actually playing the game. I was having a ball getting back in touch with my friends. This is nothing different than I've ever done before in other chat servers, on other places.. there just wasn't a video game attached at the time.

I've played video games all my life. Cut'em up shoot'em down, fight, magic them, blow them to bits, create worlds only to blow them to bits.. Star Wars Jedi - where you fight as a Jedi Knight against computer generated graphics. I grew up on computers. Games were a big part of them. WAR was the first game I ever "Cracked" .. I got it on a floppy disk.. with no instructions.. just the game. Had no idea how to play it.. and it was choose your Battle Lord, and the computer chose it's Battle Lord, then choose the map you fought over. Then the game began.. WAR you against the other Battle Lord. (I'm not putting this in the right terms.. like i said, I didn't have the instructions).

I taught myself Windows. I taught myself DOS. I taught myself how to manipulate a modem to connect to BBS's when I was 10 yrs old. I wrote on a Poetry BBS.. I barely remember that. I had an ATARI. I was a loner in highschool. I had a few friends, I never went to the mall with friends, I went to work there. So, before work, I'd spend my quarters in a video arcade... playing... computer games. This is nothing new to me.. other than it's "Live Fire". To me.. this game is great.. because - after 3 times dying.. the game isn't "OVER".

I don't know. I'm thinking maybe I'm over analyzing this.

Til we meet again.

ENTER DARKNESS

2004-12-22T21:15:00.000-05:00

Enter the dream and welcome to my scream
Nothing stares back from the mirror
A frigid husk of wasted skin
Mists swirl everywhere I cannot see
Darkness wraps its cold blanket over me

Alone I wander aimlessly
Searching for something I cannot find
The emptiness fills deeply
Sinking lower into the emptiness
Reaching out grasping naught but air

Empty voices fill the silence
with foreign words
Huddled deep in the corner
Pain wrecked body wails in despair
Will this ever end? Why not end it now?

Always alone, never needed.
Stripped of all semblances of humanity.

Enter the darkness, despise the light
Never Free, Never Loved, Never Wanted
Never to live as life was meant to be
Keep away from the things that hurt
Stay away from those that could harm
Don’t leave don’t let them come
Destroy ourselves before they can do it for us.

Enter Darkness Exit the light
Leave behind the bad the empty the alone
Leave the pain, the hurt the alone
Join the darkness, it is better than the light.
Forever sleep, Forever Dark. Forever Free.

© Linda Pfeiffer 12/22/04

The Process Of Recovery From Abuse

2004-12-21T18:03:00.000-05:00

source: Michael C. Irving, PhD

The process of recovery from abuse is long, demanding and very individual. It requires and deserves much support and safety from other people.

When one has been abused, remembering your past is discovering who you are.
Recovery involves accepting, understanding and releasing feelings. It entails connecting behavior, thoughts and feelings both in the past and in the present.

Recovery is learning about choice, learning how to take care of yourself and learning that it is OK to take care of yourself. It is learning about choice.

If you move the "yuck" out, there is some room for joy.
The timing of recovery might not be when you want. It is important to honor your own process and realize that it is never ending.

"The core experiences [of child abuse] are disempowerment and disconnection from others. Recovery, therefore, is based upon the empowerment of the survivor and the creation of new connections [with people]. Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation. In his/her renewed connections with other people, the survivor recreates the psychological faculties that were damaged or deformed by the [abuse] experience..." "Recovery unfolds in three stages. The central task of the first stage is the establishment of safety. The central task of the second stage is remembrance and mourning. The central task of the third stage is reconnection with ordinary life." Judith Lewis Herman, M.D.

Discussion -

The Process of Recovery from AbuseRemembering, feeling bad, feeling guilty, accepting, hoping, naming it, believing it and being believed, having someone listen without judgment and telling are all part of the initial process of recovery from abuse.

Recovery from abuse takes a long, long time. It requires stamina, support and safety, both internally and externally. Old habits must change. A survivor must learn to trust, to grieve, to breathe (“if not, you can’t feel”). It involves confrontation, changing one’s beliefs of self and the world, feelings of confusion, rage, dealing with family and relationships, learning how to take care of one’s self, discovering the power to choose and overcoming unreal and terminal “niceness”.

Survivors will encounter periods of time where they feel guilty and have a fear of not being loved. They feel that love is conditional. They let go of what’s not real, such as taking care of everyone else, not taking care of themselves and defining boundaries. They let go of the fantasies, like “everyone will love me” and “I can get back what was lost”. There is utter despair when survivors let go of dreams, and emotions like anger, fear and sadness are felt. It’s critical that a survivor have all of these feelings. “If you can have these feelings, if you move the ‘yuck’ out, there’s some room for joy.” They discover the power to choose.

Working through shame takes a long time. Often a survivor takes two steps forward, on step sideways. Recovery is intermittent. “You must do a lot of stuff you don’t want to do.” Such as learning to accept that the timing of recovery might not be when it’s wanted, honoring one’s own process and realizing that the process is never-ending.

There is a lot of secrecy in abuse. In recovering, survivors break the secret and the silence. They listen to their own voice, a voice they have been taught not to hear, and give themselves permission. They must unlearn their lives and what they’ve been taught. They must find out who they are through gender identification, their physical body, by retaking possession of their physical body and by finding their “person”inity.

Elements of recovery can be concurrent, intermittent, simultaneous, continual, not on linear time and run as parallel processes. Survivors revisit these elements with different intensities of emotion and cognition throughout their recovery, and experience a blending of feelings, thought and behavior.

Key Themes

Recovery is accepting and releasing feelings, connecting with behavior and thought. It is also remembering your past, discovering who you are, and choosing how you will live.

References On The Process Of Recovery From Abuse:

Bass, Ellen and Laura Davis. Beginning to Heal: A First Book for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. New York: Harper Collins Publishers, 1993.

Eller, Ti. “How Can I forgive? A Woman Sexually Abused as a Child Seeks Peace.” Canadian Baptist, November 1994, vol. 140 no. 9, p. 8-10.

Green, Lilian. Ordinary Wonders: Living Recovery From Sexual Abuse. Toronto: Women’s Press, 1992.

Kaye, Marcia. “Nightmare of Childhood Sexual Abuse Can Last A Lifetime But, Increasingly, Adult Survivors Are Waking To Renewed Hopes and Dreams.” Canadian Living, March 1991, vol. 16 no. 3, p. 143, 145-8.

Maltz, Wendy. Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide For Survivors of Sexual Abuse. New York, N.Y.: HarperCollins Publishers, 1992.

Masson, Suzanne. “Breaking the Silence: Recovery From Incest”. Human Medicine, January 1995, vol. 11 no. 1, p. 29-33.

Oksana, Chrystine. Safe Passage to Healing: A Guide for Survivors of Ritual Abuse. New York, N.Y.: Harper Perennial, 1994.

Sinclair, Donna. “From Abuse to Rebirth: Clergy Can Help Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse Start Fresh.” United Church Observer, October 1997, Vol. 61 no. 3, p.45-6.

I've Created a Monster

2004-12-15T20:55:00.000-05:00

I have created a monster and made this blog into its own website, A website that will house all the pertinent information that is posted here. The Rape and Sexual Assault Hotline Numbers, information on how to find a Therapist, and other important things that have already been posted here on the blog will be permanently housed on the website, and thus will help people who have suffered trauma and are looking for further aid. In this permanent forum, I hope to allow people to find many useful items of information that will be available to them with just a click of their mouse.

It is amazing how much information is out there, but it seems to be scattered around on various web rings, and websites. It’s great information. I hope that by centralizing it here, and also providing links to these other sites, I am providing a service to those who have need of finding help.

Not everyone understands the SEVERE trauma one survives to even develop Multiple Personality Disorder. Perceived life-threatening trauma before the age of seven. I was severely abused from the time I was an infant. I can give a list of my injuries that would fill pages.

This website is dedicated to people like me, who have survived such trauma, and are in recovery, or trying to recover. I don’t know how well I’m doing. I am a severe isolationist. I hate being out amongst people. The only time I DO go out, is to go to see my therapist, my psychiatrist, or grrrrrrr grocery shopping.

I hope you enjoy the website as much as you enjoy this blog. It will be as dynamic as this blog is, as I find and update links on a daily basis.
I know one thing.. if you’re DID.. or MPD… you’re not alone out there.. I’m here too.

Dual Personality, Multiple Personality, Dissociative Identity Disorder - What's in a Name?

2004-12-07T22:53:00.000-05:00

By Dr. Ralph B. Allison, M.D.

As found on the website http://www.dissociation.com/index2.html

When I diagnosed my first case of MPD in 1972 (Janette in "Minds In Many Pieces", I had had no professional training on the subject. I went to the Stanford Medical Library to look up articles on the subject since no computerized databases existed then. The book called "Index Medicus" was the only place one could start searching for published articles. There I found the listing of "Dual Personality."

In the 1970s, when I started meeting with other therapists of "multiples" (the term we all came to use for patients with MPD), we informally agreed to call the disorder "Multiple Personality Disorder" or MPD for short. I wrote to the editors of the Index Medicus to ask them to add Multiple Personality Disorder to the subject headings, and they did that.

At that time, a small group of us therapists were struggling with these patients, and we created our own networking methods. I published a newsletter, "Memos On Multiplicity," for one year as my way of trying to let such therapists know where fellow adventurers in this field were.

Eventually, the interest moved from the solo practitioner's office to the academic halls of learning. Some practitioners had teaching appointments in graduate schools where their opinions about MPD were not always greeted with acceptance. After all, the accepted dictums stated that people only were allowed one personality per body. Anyone claiming to have patients with two or more personalities had a difficult task convincing those in academia that such was possible.

This conflict of views between those therapists dealing daily with dissociated patients (some exhibiting dozens of alter-personalities, or "alters") and academic teachers who spent more of their days teaching and doing research than actually treating severely ill patients, came to a boil with the need to revise DSM III.

DSM I (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Version I) was created after WWI to provide a framework for labeling post-war psychiatric causalities. DSM II was written after WWII for the same purpose. Remember, these were written in the USA by American psychiatrists. However the same terms were accepted by the editors of the International Code of Diseases (ICD) through its present 9th edition.

When I met my first multiple, DSM II was in use. MPD was then a minor label under "Hysterical Dissociative Disorder." It did not even have its own code number.

DSM III was created while I was in the middle of my practice years. It recognized MPD as existing, gave it a code number, and defined its characteristics. We who treated these patients finally had found a degree of acceptance in officialdom. "If it is listed in here, it must exist."

Then the backlash began. There had always been doubters that such a disease really existed, and my struggles with critics are chronicled in "Minds In Many Pieces." Personally, I had withdrawn from public debates on the matter to deal with private matters, so I only know indirectly about the political battles behind the scene during the formulation of DSM IV, the current edition.

The field of "Dissociative Disorders" now had its own section. A committee of experts was appointed to decide what disorders should be listed in DSM IV. It was hoped that DSM IV would also be the psychiatric section of the new ICD-10, then in progress.

The committee was composed of two groups, psychiatrists whose primary role was as therapists and those whose primary roles were teaching and research. The therapists wanted to keep MPD much as it was in DSM III. The teachers wanted to eliminate MPD altogether, and replace it with "Dissociative Identity Disorder" or DID. I heard one of these teachers say in public, "Everybody is born with only one personality. Therefore, there can be no such thing as a Multiple Personality Disorder."

With this belief system, the teachers could not agree that MPD could be an accurate label for anyone. The treaters on the committee did not know how to explain that, in practice if not in theory, their patients acted as if they had other personalities. The teachers decided that the patients had the major mental problem of believing that they had more than one personality. The goal of therapy should not be integrating the various personalities, but getting the patients over their false belief (delusion) that they had other personalities at all. (Since I was not present for the deliberation, these ideas are only reasonable conclusions from what I heard from others who were there and position statements published about the debate.)

So the patients still had a problem, but it was redefined as a different problem than the one their therapists were treating them for. Instead of therapists trying to integrate "alters" into an original personality, they should now focus their attention on the patients "delusion" that they did not have a single identity. Now the teachers expected the treaters to treat the patients' "identity disorder," as no one could really have multiple personalities.

When the decision was reported out of committee, the teachers had won, and MPD suddenly ceased to exist. Now all our multiples had Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID.

However, the editors of the ICD did not accept DSM IV as their section on Mental Disorders. In the newest printing of ICD-9, they did add "Dissociative Identity Disorder" below MPD as a synonym. So, in the world outside the USA, MPD still exists. Only in the USA have all multiples been told they have a false belief that they have alters running their bodies.

But I know that, in the case of MPD, the patient's Original Personality (yes, teachers, the only one they have) goes "into hiding" at the time of a life threatening assault before the age of seven. Therefore, there is "no one home" to have the Disorder of Identity. The Original Personality is the only one capable of having such a "false belief," but she is not in executive control of the body or participating in social life at all. But the Allisonian ISH I met in these patients had created all sorts of alters to run the body in the absence of the Original Personality. Therefore, I could not honestly give up the accurate label of MPD and substitute an inaccurate label of DID.

But, I had met other dissociating patients who were of the "dual personality" type. They had never shown an ISH, and they manifested far fewer alters. Could I apply this new label to them? Yes, I decided I could.

So, personally, I came to realize that both MPD and DID can be considered accurate labels, but for two different groups of dissociators. Here is how I now use these acronyms in my writings.

The key differentiating criteria is the age of the first dissociation, with the seventh birthday being the approximate cut-off point for MPD, and the earliest date for DID to appear. This is the age the child's mind must mature to so that it can "hold it all together" when severely traumatized. After age seven, it may dissociate and form alters, but it will not dissociate into its two component parts, the Intellectual Self (ISH/Essence) and the Emotional Self (Original Personality).

The concept that the human mind originally consists of two parts is not a clear part of American/European psychological theory. Root words to express this concept do not exist in European languages. Again, "if we don't have a word for it, maybe it doesn't exist."

But I learned from my foreign friends that root words for these two parts of the mind do exist in Middle Eastern and Oriental languages. My favorite is Japanese, which calls the Intellectual Self the "Risei" and the Emotional Self the "Kanjou." The Japanese recognize that we are constantly switching from being controlled by our Kanjou and being controlled by our emotions, to letting our Risei take over to solve our problems rationally.

In TV "literature," the same story is repeatedly played out by "Mr. Spock" on the original Star Trek series. Leonard Nemoy played the role to the Intellectual Self very well. He sounds close to the way the ISHs talked to me when I was doing therapy with multiples. In "Star Trek, The Next Generation," Lt. Cmd. Data, an "android," plays the same role. In one show, he shows what happens when emotions are added to his brain with the insertion of a new chip, which makes him able to emote for the first time.

Now, after learning how dissociation occurs in a human before age seven, I realized that all humans have a bipartite mind (not to be confused with a two-hemisphered brain). When the mind is integrated, as is the usual case, it might be analogized as a coin with two faces, Heads and Tails. The Emotional Self (Kanjou) is the Tail side and the Intellectual Self (Risei) is the Head side. Normally, we are operating somewhere between 99% intellectually and 99% emotionally. Both are there, ready to be used. Neither one is good or bad. How much we use of which one depends on the situation and the goal we have at the time.

To avoid unwarranted assumptions, I wish to note that, for trauma to split (dissociate) the Risei from the Kanjou, it requires certain preconditions to be present. Just being traumatized before age seven will not always cause the child to develop MPD. In other types of people, in different settings, the same trauma may cause other types of psychopathology. The situation is not that simple.

Yes, there must be life threatening trauma before the age of seven for anyone to develop MPD. But another condition is that the Emotional Self (aka Birth Personality, Original Personality, Kanjou) must be Grade V hypnotizable on the Stanford Scale. The ability to age regress by revivification is a trait needed to qualify one for being in Grade V. This ability is invaluable in participating in effective therapy.

Grade V hypnotizability is a characteristic of the Emotional Self and is a trait given to it at birth. This trait is accompanied by other characteristics, such as psychic abilities, exquisite sensitivity to the emotions of others, fantasy proneness, flamboyance, and "hysterical" traits of all kinds.

In women, this may be seen as typical hysterical female behavior (pardon the sexist connotations). In men, the same traits may be seen as antisocial behavior. In American society, girls learn to internalize their problems, and boys learn to externalize them. So women with MPD tend to develop emotional and physical problems, while the men tend to act out antisocially.

Another factor needed to bring about MPD is polarization of the parents, the usual caretakers of infants. One parent is seen by the child as good and the other as bad. What often happens is that the parents flip from role to role. But if the parents are together in matters of discipline, MPD will not be likely to occur. Usually one parent is the primary abuser, while the other one screams or deserts. The non-abusive one does not rescue the child or the damage could have been reversed.

The other factor needed for MPD is polarization of the siblings. This child must be the only one in the family to be abused. This child was seen as "different" from the other children, and therefore somehow "deserving" of abuse the other children did not get. "Equal Opportunity Abuse" is bad enough in its own right, but it creates in the children a different clinical picture.

So, in our view, MPD is still a valid diagnosis for a clinical picture, but it requires these preconditions:

1. Life threatening trauma before the age of seven. (Minor trauma is not enough. The child must fear for his or her life.)

2. Grade V hypnotizable Emotional Self.

3. Polarized parents - one good and one bad.

4. Polarization of siblings. Only this one is abused. The others are treated decently.

What does this produce clinically?

The first effect is dissociation of the Intellectual Self from the Emotional Self. The Intellectual Self (aka Essence, Risei) then sends the Emotional Self (aka Original Personality, Kanjou) into hiding somewhere in Thoughtspace, so the Original Personality abdicates executive control over the physical body.

The Essence takes on the role of Inner Self Helper (Damage Control Officer) and has to go to work making the first False-Front Alter-Personality to run the body. The ISH designs and programs all alters to do whatever is necessary to keep the child alive.

Each alter is designed to do a job and only that job. It is endowed with characteristic traits which the Original Personality would have taken on, if it were in charge. The situation can be viewed as operating a doll factory, with only the outfits of clothes being produced. The doll, itself, is not present. The alters are the sets of clothes, but there is no doll inside any of them. Therefore, they cannot grow and change. They can only do what the ISH has programmed them to do.

There is no way that this condition can be called "Dissociative Identity Disorder." There is no Original Personality to have any disorder. The ISH is busy making alters to run the body. The Original Personality has been removed from executive control. There are multiple personalities alternating control of this body, awaiting the end to the abuse and the arrival of a therapist who can work with the ISH to bring the Original Personality back in charge. This is truly MPD.

So, when is DID an appropriate diagnosis? When the trauma occurs after the age of seven to a highly hypnotizable person. Then there is no dissociation of the Intellectual Self from the Emotional Self. The Emotional Self (aka Original Personality) is still in charge and available to have an Identity Disorder.

The social situation is different, as the child is now often out of the parental home and in school. The abuser is often someone outside the birth family. The trauma situation need not be long lasting or life threatening, more likely some situation the child was too immature to cope with. One of my cases of "dual personality" was created by the rape at age 9, by a cousin. The girl created an angry female alter who became a prostitute. She used sex to humiliate and control men, like her Original Personality had been humiliated by her cousin. This woman could well be said to have a Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Treatment would be effective if she, the Original Personality, learned better ways of handling sexually abusive men and other humiliating situations. She would need to learn better ways of coming to grips with the sexual conflicts she had. If she succeeded, her prostitute alter would become obsolete and might "die" of disuse atrophy. This clinical course is much different from that seen with someone who had MPD, as we have defined it here.

To provide you with the official definition of DID, here is what it says in DSM IV:

300.14 Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly Multiple Personality Disorder)

Diagnostic Features

The essential feature of Dissociative Identity Disorder is the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (Criterion A) that recurrently take control of behavior (Criterion B). There is an inability to recall important personal information, the extent of which is too great to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness (Criterion C). The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance or a general medical condition (Criterion D). In children, the symptoms cannot be attributed to imaginary playmates or other fantasy play.

Dissociative Identity Disorder reflects a failure to integrate various aspects of identity, memory, and consciousness. Each personality state may be experienced as if it has a distinct personal history, self-image, and identity, including a separate name. Usually there is a primary identity that carries the individual's given name and is passive, dependent, guilty, and depressed. The alternate identities frequently have different names and characteristics that contrast with the primary identity (e.g., are hostile, controlling, and self-destructive). Particular identities may emerge in specific circumstances and may differ in reported age and gender, vocabulary, general knowledge, or predominant affect. Alternate identities are experienced as taking control in sequence, one at the expense of the other, and may deny knowledge of one another, be critical of one another, or appear to be in open conflict. Occasionally, one or more powerful identities allocate time to the others. Aggressive or hostile identities may at times interrupt activities or place the others in uncomfortable situations.

Individuals with this disorder experience frequent gaps in memory for personal history, both remote and recent. The amnesia is frequently asymmetrical. The more passive identities tend to have more constricted memories, whereas the more hostile, controlling, or "protector" identities have more complete memories. An identity that is not in control may nonetheless gain access to consciousness by producing auditory or visual hallucinations (e.g., a voice giving instructions). Evidence of amnesia may be uncovered by reports from others who have witnessed behavior that is disavowed by the individual or by the individual's own discoveries (e.g., finding items of clothing at home that the individual cannot remember having bought). There may be loss of memory not only for recurrent periods of time, but also an overall loss of biographical memory for some extended period of childhood. Transitions among identities are often triggered by psychosocial stress. The time required to switch from one identity to another is usually a matter of seconds, but, less frequently, may be gradual. The number of identities reported ranges from 2 to more than 100. Half of reported cases include individuals with 10 or fewer identities.

The Inner Self Helper (ISH)

In my first case of MPD, I was introduced to a psychic entity who was normal, all knowing of personal history, and helpful to me in doing therapy. After I had met similar entities in other severely dissociated patients, I came to call it the Inner Self Helper or ISH. By following psychologically integrated patients for several decades, I learned what the ISH does after the disorder is corrected. It then prefers to be called the Essence of "my charge," another name for the Intellectual Self, Kanjou, or Hidden Observer of Hilgard at Stanford University. It has many useful functions. As a matter of fact, without it present, the person is in need of life support systems.

But, during therapy of a patient with MPD, by my definition, the ISH is a highly necessary co-therapist to any ethical therapist, no matter how talented in psychotherapy. The ISH observes and intervenes on the inside while the therapist attends to matters on the outside. Between the two of them, effective therapy can be done in a much shorter time. In my most complicated case of MPD, it only took me three years of twice a week therapy to achieve integration of 70 alters into the Original Personality. With the time limitations of the public clinic in which I worked, only because of the guidance of the ISH did I get the integration done the day before I departed that employment. Therefore, I highly recommend therapists of true MPD patients should be happy to meet the ISHs in their patients and listen to what they have to say. Not to do so is like the surgeon ignoring the advise of his hospital's radiologist and laboratory pathologist.

Characteristics of the Inner Self Helper (ISH)

A. Prime Directive of the ISH is to keep patient alive until her Life Plan is completed and fulfilled. The ISH will prevent suicide in any way possible.

B. Has no date of origin; has always been present.

C. Can only agape love; is incapable of hatred.

D. Has awareness of and belief in "The Creator."

E. Is aware that the Celestial Intelligent Energy (CIE) put her in charge of teaching this person how to live and move forward properly.

F. Is able to work on the inside of the patient's mind, as co-therapist, while the human therapist works on the outside.

G. Knows all about history of patient and can predict short term future.

H. Possesses no personal sense of gender identity, but will assume either gender the therapist is comfortable with.

I. Talks intellectually instead of emotionally, carefully chooses precise words, speaks in short concise sentences; prefers to answer questions; gives enigmatic instructions. ("Teach her humility today.")

J. Avoids using slang; does not have the capacity for put-downs or guilt-trips.

K. Is aware of patient's past lifetimes.

The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network

2004-12-01T09:18:00.000-05:00

The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network is an extremely valuable tool for survivors of sexual assault of any form. There are links to many different sites, ways to find phone numbers for local counselors, and rape hotline phone numbers. It says national, but it has grown into an international support network! Give them a look. Support them in any way you can!

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE. RAINN also publicizes the hotline's free, confidential services; educates the public about sexual assault; and leads national efforts to improve services to victims and ensure that rapists are brought to justice.

Recognizing RAINN's effectiveness, efficiency and professionalism, Worth magazine recently selected RAINN as one of "America's 100 Best Charities" (12/01). With more than 1,000 local affiliates, the National Sexual Assault Hotline has helped more than half a million victims of sexual assault.

1.800.656.HOPE - The National Sexual Assault Hotline

With a national perspective and broad reach, RAINN also serves as a trusted resource for media, policymakers and the public. Through close cooperation with national and local media, public service ads, curriculum programs and one-on-one outreach, RAINN provides vital education about sexual assault prevention, prosecution and recovery to more than 120 million Americans a year.

Our Supporters

RAINN has benefited from the help of dozens of celebrities, including Sarah McLachlan, No Doubt, Destiny's Child, Santana, R.E.M., Natalie Merchant, Jewel, Sheryl Crow, the Dave Matthews Band, U2, Paul Shaffer, Jennifer Aniston, Jennie Garth, and Michael J. Fox.
The hotline number and RAINN's public service ads air nationally on all six of the national broadcast networks and more than one dozen cable networks. More than 1,100 radio stations have also donated airtime to RAINN. This year, RAINN will receive more than $19 million of donated media time to promote the hotline.

RAINN is supported by thousands of individual donors and corporate partners such as ADT Security Services, Atlantic Records, Best Buy, Biore Facial Care Products, Harper's Bazaar, Kelegian White & Reed LLP, Maurice Villency, MCI, Metropolitan Entertainment, The Recording Academy, Sony Music, Steve Madden, Ltd., Ticketmaster, Warner Music Group, and Yahoo.

RAINN receives no government funding. Eighty-eight cents of every dollar raised is spent directly of program services for victims.

RAINN was founded in 1994 by Scott Berkowitz, who continues as the organization's president.

From their website:
Rape, Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization. RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE and carries out programs to prevent sexual assault, help victims and ensure that rapists are brought to justice.

One of “America’s 100 Best Charities” (Worth magazine 12/01)

The International Society for the Study of Dissociation

2004-11-23T11:02:00.000-05:00

The Society is a nonprofit professional association organized for the purposes of:
information sharing and international networking of clinicians and researchers;

providing professional and public education;
promoting research and theory about dissociation; and
promoting research and training in the identification, treatment, and prevention of dissociative disorders.

"Your source for information on chronic traumatization."

Our mission is "information sharing and international networking of clinicians and researchers; providing professional and public education; promoting research and theory about dissociation; and promoting research and training in the identification, treatment, and prevention of dissociative disorders."

The Executive Council of the ISSD makes all major decisions and sets the direction for the organization. Our Committees work to carry out our mission and to suggest new directions for the future.

Although we are primarily a professionally oriented society, we welcome both professional and lay members.

Education is one of our primary goals. We work to achieve that goal partly through training programs, conferences and the Journal of Trauma and Dissociation. The ISSD has given awards to professionals and lay people who have contributed to the study of dissociation and to the ISSD.

If you do not find what you are looking for here, please let us know.

Your Connection for Professional Growth and Support

Join the International Society for the Study of Dissociation in the search for solutions to dissociative disorders.Is ISSD for you? ISSD Membership Benefits Who can become a member of ISSD Membership Costs Membership Application

The International Society for the Study of Dissociation (ISSD) is the only international nonprofit professional society that promotes research and training in the identification and treatment of dissociative disorders.

ISSD provides a single source for professional and public education and supports international communication and cooperation among professional clinicians and investigators working in the field of dissociation.

To tackle the issues involved in research about and treatment of dissociative disorders, individual commitment and passion are necessary. But they are not enough. We need outstanding, ongoing professional education and information. And we need each other. Together, we can and do make a difference!

Is ISSD for you?
What can you expect as a member of ISSD?

Participate in presenting and discussing clinical approaches and the latest research in the field of dissociation.
Stay informed about current professional issues and treatment approaches through conferences, publications, bibliographies, and the Society’s home page on the World Wide Web.
Expand professional contacts through networking; the membership directory; component societies, chapters, and study groups; and conferences.
Receive professional recognition through the awards and Fellows programs.
Most importantly, you will be a contributor to better understanding and treatment of DID.

ISSD Membership Benefits
National and International ConferencesISSD conferences provide up-to-date accounts of the state of the dissociative disorders field and address key legal and ethical issues facing professionals working with dissociation. ISSD conferences are devoted solely to topics relevant to the study and treatment of dissociation. These meetings include introductory and advanced workshops, research presentations, and clinical papers.
Learn from experts and peers and share valuable experiences during formal and informal sessions and activities. Continuing education credits, a bookstore, and printed conference proceedings are also available. Members have access to abstracts from recent conferences in the Atrium.

ISSD NewsThe official ISSD newsletter carries news regarding the Society and the field. The newsletter features an index of recently published literature on dissociative disorders and an editorial column in which experts discuss critical issues in dissociation.
Journal of Trauma and DissociationThe Journal of Trauma and Dissociation will be sent to all full members as part of the membership benefits. The Journal is dedicated to publishing peer-reviewed scientific literature on dissociation, the dissociative disorders, posttraumatic stress disorder, psychological trauma and its sequelae, and on aspects of memory associated with psychological trauma and dissociation.

The AtriumA separate portion of the web site for Members Only. Conference abstracts, bibliographies, the online membership directory, recent and past newsletters, testing resources for the clinician, a listing of member web site and many other resources are available online for the member. Treatment GuidelinesISSD has taken the important step of developing Guidelines for Treating Dissociative Disorder in Adults. Developed in 1994 and revised in 1997, the Guidelines present a broad outline of what thus far has seemed to be effective treatment. ISSD is also developing guidelines for treating children with DID.

Component GroupsISSD encourages members to form and participate in national and local component societies, chapters, and study groups. ISSD component groups around the world provide members with a local vehicle for exchanging views and experiences, promoting referral networks, and establishing educational programs.

Membership DirectorySimply the best resource anywhere for professionals working in the field of dissociation. The directory is an invaluable tool for any professional who wishes to form research and clinical contacts and networks.

World Wide Web Site Members and the public can obtain information about the Society, membership benefits, conference information, a bibliography of recent articles and books of interest, as well as treatment guidelines and links to other professional and self-help organizations.

David Caul Memorial FundEstablished in 1998 to honor the memory of Dr. David Caul, a former president of ISSD, the fund supports research in the area of dissociation and awards need-based scholarships to the Society’s educational programs.

Awards ProgramThe ISSD awards program recognizes outstanding achievements in diagnosis, treatment, research, writing, audiovisual media, and distinguished service by individuals or groups in the field of dissociation or dissociative disorders.

Who can become a member of ISSD?
Membership in the International Society for the Study of Dissociation is open to individuals interested in the study of dissociative disorders.

Regular or Full MemberRegular membership is open to professionals primarily involved in the provision of services, research, education, scholarship, writing or public policy in an area related to dissociation.. Members who are mental health or health care providers must be licensed professionals; practicing under the supervision of a licensed professional; qualified within the accepted legal or cultural standards for conducting clinical practice in his or her locale. Members are listed in the directory, receive publications including the ISSD Newsletter and the Journal of Trauma and Dissociation, have access to The Atrium, and may serve on committees, vote, and hold office.

Student MemberStudent membership is open to those enrolled in a program of study leading to a degree or certification in the study of the dissociative phenomenon.

Retired MemberRetired membership is open to ISSD members who have retired from active practice or research, are at least 65 years old, and have paid dues to the society for 10 or more years.

Affiliate MemberThis class of membership is open to any lay person, not eligible for full or student member, interested in the goals and objectives of the Society. Affiliate members receive the Newsletter and the Membership Directory, but are not listed in the directory, may not vote, hold office or serve on task forces or committee, nor do they have access to the Atrium, the members only section of the ISSD web site. Under special circumstances and by invitation, affiliates may be allowed to serve on task forces or committees.

FellowFellow status may be awarded to any member who has made outstanding contributions to the diagnosis, treatment, research, or education in the dissociative disorders field and to the Society.

From http://www.issd.org - also a great place to search for a trauma/did/mpd therapist

MD's or Quacks

2004-11-20T17:18:00.001-05:00

I often wonder how some people get their medical licenses. For a week prior to my going into the hospital on 10/22 (inpatient), I was being treated for what they decided was “Cellulitis” with antibiotics. I was not responding to these oral antibiotics, and the swelling in my right leg gained monstrous proportions, not only that – but it had spread up my right side, and included swelling in the right side of my arm, shoulder, and even face.

On 10/22, I was feeling so lousy, I called my “Doctor” to get an emergency appointment to see her. Her response was “I’m too busy, go to the ER if you think it’s that bad.” She did not deliver that message herself, Doctors do not talk to patients on the phone. It came through one of her secretaries by way of “She’s booked, if it’s that bad, she suggests going to the ER.”

I went to the ER. They took me into a room, and within 5 minutes had me signing papers to tell me that I was being admitted. I think that’s the fastest I’ve EVER been admitted to a hospital.

Three days later, the IV antibiotics are finally starting to work. The swelling has gone down quite a bit. They had to use a catheter to get the urinary tract working again. That was a blast and a half for someone who has suffered the kinds of sexual abuse and rapes that I have, let me tell you! They send me home with a week’s supply of Keflex to finish off the rest of the infection and to see my primary care MD for follow-up.

I happened to have had a follow-up appointment the next day with my primary MD for the next day for another problem anyhow, so I just kept that appointment. It totally amazed me that she did not ask nor report about any blood work or urinary tests that were or were not done in the hospital regarding the now “alleged” cellulitis”.

She said “See you in a week.” That was the extent of our visit. She looked at the leg, told me my feet were very dry. Well, yea, I have a problem with dry feet, always have. Whoopie, that’s not news to me. This isn’t what I’m here to see you for Doctor. She orders a “compression stocking” for my leg, tells me that I need to keep my foot up, and sends me on my way.

I end up having to cancel the appointment for the following week for two reasons. One, the compression stocking isn’t in yet, and I want to have it before I see her again, and two, I had a conflicting appointment that I needed to attend.

So, I see her again two weeks later, the leg is STILL badly swollen, I’m not responding to the oral antibiotics at all, the swelling is WORSE than it was when I left the hospital, and not only that, but now it is in both legs, and working its way upwards. Her response? “When would you like to see me again? One week? Two Weeks?” Said rather snottily, as if I needed to do her appointment scheduling for her, and knew what she wanted. I said One week, because this wasn’t getting better, it was getting worse.
One week later, lo, she again – complains about my dry feet.. and still does not order any blood work or urine tests to see if ANYTHING else could be the cause/problem. I then, decide to ask HER for the tests. Who’s the friggin’ doctor here? Her? Or ME?

I had the blood work done, I have a follow-up appointment. It’s too early for the results to be in. I ask her a question. “I want Dr. Maude to look at your leg, and see if he has any other ideas.” Dr. Maude, is semi-retired, and only comes into the office once a week. I was trying to get away from him as my Primary Care Physician, BECAUSE he was semi retired, and I could ONLY see him on ONE day out of the week… I had asked her to re-write my scripts for the month.. and she said no, Dr. Maude would the next day. So basically, she doesn’t want to see me anymore. Guess what? I don’t want to see them anymore either. I’m done with incompetent doctors, who can’t handle a patient who knows a little bit, and just enough to ask questions, and care about what’s happening.

She also tried to tell me that this is going to be how my legs were going to be for the rest of my life, basically because I’m getting older, I’m fat, and I believe she tried to imply that I was lazy. I may be mistaken, but I really don’t think so. She doesn’t think that I follow her rules – of keeping my leg up when it needs to be up – YES it IS up RIGHT NOW. It has been up all along through this long diatribe. It’s aching like hell but it’s still up!

So, with the aid of the NYS Department of Health’s Search page, I went looking for a new General Practitioner, but then, was given a lead from my Therapist. I called, they accept Medicare and Medicaid, so I went, and saw their RPA. What a wonderful woman she is. I’ll be going there from now on, thanks to my Therapist! I spent about 45 minutes giving the RPA a lengthy medical history as best as I could. Signed release papers so they could get information about the current issues, and she even re-wrote my medication prescriptions for me!

I’ve got an appointment on the 24th for an ultrasound of my abdomen which is very tender to poking (surprise!). Armed with the results of the blood and urine tests, and that ultrasound, we’ll go from there. I’m on Augmentin for an antibiotic.. so we’ll see.

2004-11-11T10:34:00.000-05:00

Sunshine enjoys sleeping in the middle of my bed, with my teddybear, at all hours of the day, but particularly just after I get up, when the bed is still warm, even if I plan to get back into bed.

I'm in a hole i can't dig out of

2004-11-10T02:31:00.000-05:00

It’s 2am and I’m exhausted, but I’m not ready to go to bed. I don’t know why. I have appointments tomorrow. I have to go to the market tomorrow. I have to go and get stuff at stupid wal-mart. I’m not pleased with Wal-mart. I’ve found they are discriminatory, and I did not know that. Not a nice thing to keep hidden, I always thought they were a good company to work for. I suppose I won’t be submitting my application for employment to them anytime soon! (not that I am eligible to work.)

I roam around the internet at night, and play America’s Army. It gives someone inside a great outlet for killing the mother thing. “Lorraine” we’re supposed to call her.. I forget. I also forget to take my frigging medications, even though I have them all sorted out into a weekly minder… well… I haven’t filled out the minder for this week yet.. maybe I’ll get around to doing that tomorrow – if I don’t keep switching out.

Every time I go to take my medications, I find myself far away from my computer room, where my medications are housed. (No, I don’t keep them in the bathroom. If I did, I’d NEVER remember to take them, I’m ALWAYS in the computer room, I’m rarely in the bathroom).

My dad was here this morning. I told him I wanted a computer chair for Christmas. He said I could have his… what do these people NOT get? I don’t WANT their left over furniture. I want MY stuff. His chair has no support. I don’t NEED that. I can’t ask LORRAINE for anything – if I do .. I get screamed at about money issues – even though all their “Money Issues” are now solved. Their camp is sold. This house is paid off, they no longer have the mortgage on this. They no longer pay on their van, nor do they have the upkeep of the camp. But, I know – if I ask for a measly $40.00 item, I’ll get a one hour lecture about how they are not made out of money, and it doesn’t grow on trees.

There really is no light at the end of that tunnel, is there?

The Hole
All is dark
Screams echo vainly
Voices murmer louder
Where is light

Hopeless mindless wandering
Here and there I mumble
Tumble down the path of doom
What sense does this make

Screaming grows louder
Inside my head
Silence greets my pleas

Pitch black
no color no light
can penetrate this hole
they’ve given me.

Pressure mounts
Arrested breathing
Screams resound
Pounding my brain

Blackness my hole
I’ve come for you
Swallow me down
End my pain.

- by Linda Pfeiffer © November 11, 2004

Giving up on NaNoWriMo

2004-11-04T20:33:00.000-05:00

I can’t do it.

Here is why. There is too much stress here. I’m trying to make ends meet, and they are so far apart, I can’t reach the middle, not even close, not even with extension cords. I’m disabled. I have been for 10 years. Physically, and emotionally disturbed. LOL Emotionally disturbed. If you can call having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Multiple Personalities and Severe Depression anything else BUT disturbed, I’d like to know. I TRY to get out of my hole. I really do, but it’s no use. Every time I try, the system throws me back in, deeper, darker and showing me that there really is no way out.

I make a certain dollar figure on Social Security Disability. So much, that I “Make too much money to be qualified for any other services.” IE: Social Security Supplemental Insurance (Which – would be extremely beneficial) Let’s see what they call “Too Much Money.” – LESS than 900.00 a month. You heard me right – less than $900.00 a month. Paid only once per month also – try budgeting that one out!

Now, for this nice dollar figure (That I worked all my life to earn, pumping money INTO the system… MUCH MORE THAN THAT I’LL WARRANT) I have to pay rent, utilities, food, clothing, the usual crap.. but – wait – it gets even more interesting.

I am a survivor of extreme abuse, physical, sexual – from 2 different abusers, and 4 rapes, and severe emotional abuse – which I am still stuck in the middle of. I have medicare, and NYS’s “wonderful” Medicaid.. let me tell you about what Medicaid does for me.

Medicaid says I make $214.00 a month too much money. So, in order for any of my medical expenses to be covered, (including the $500.00+/month in medications) I have to spend this OUT first, either to them, or to the pharmacies, etc.

I barely squeak by – without this Medicaid “spend down” as they call it – I’ve managed up until now, to get around it. It won’t happen anymore. As of Dec 1st, I’ve got to pay out that money, or not be covered.

What are my choices? Try to go back to work? Get regular insurance – which gives me $500- $1500 worth of medication coverage PER YEAR? What happens after that runs out in the first month? No more pain reduction, no more anti-depressants, no more anything.

That’s out of the question. I am unable to keep a steady job as it is – can’t even do a bloody marathon.

Sell everything, and move out of state? – Been there, done that – got dragged back by the royal bitch who is my sexual abuser/mental abuser.

I don’t know where to turn. If you don’t see me on FM – it’s because I don’t know what to chat about. I’m really lost.

LindaP

A New Car - and Life with "Mother"

2004-10-31T01:27:00.000-05:00

Or “Mommy Dearest”

It’s one thing to grow up having been abused. I was lucky – for nearly 20 years, I had no memory of being abused. I thought broken bones, bruises and the way my brothers and family treated me was normal. I thought all daughters had broken bones. That all sisters put up with brothers who hated them, and that they often needed treatment at local hospitals.

It was a shock, when I started counseling when the therapist told me that 20 or more broken bones was NOT usual. That even ONE broken bone was not USUAL. So, over the years, I received counseling, and found I have a very abusive family, that began, close to home. Starting right when I was a baby with Mother.

My therapist, and my psychiatrist do not want me calling her “Mother” because she never was one. So, from now on in this post, I will refer to her as “Lorraine” since that is her first name. She gave birth to me. I don’t think she really ever wanted me. She thinks that having sex with a man is doing her “Dirty Duty”. That is how she described it to me when I was a child. It is one of the few memories that I do have of childhood. And they ARE few.

I am on Social Security Disability Insurance – that is my total income. I am living in my “Inheritance” from my parents, for when they die. They decided to give their four children their inheritances, before they die. Let them see us “enjoying” our inheritances, while they are still around to see us having fun, and living life.

I got the house I am living in, it’s a 3 bedroom doublewide trailer. I like it well enough, however, it’s in a state I hate. Originally, my inheritance was to be my townhouse out in Mesa, Arizona. Lorraine decided she did not want to travel to Arizona anymore, so – regardless of their promise to me and her sworn oath that that was MY home, the parental beings sold the townhouse out from under me, and forced me to move back to New York.
I did NOT want to move – I love Arizona, and I’d give almost anything to move back there, but they’ve even fixed it, so that after they die, I can’t just go out and sell this house!

My three brothers – inherit everything else. They split the Camp- which they just sold for $345,000.00 (less realtor fees), and all the stuff IN the camp. I asked my folks for a sailboat – one of four, that they owned. Lorraine screamed at me for an hour on how the camp belonged to my brothers, and how I deserved nothing out of it. There are four sailboats, my brothers probably don’t want any of them.. and I get a lecture about not getting anything out of the camp.

I told my father, the one semi sane voice in the family, that I at least wanted an updated car. My car (a 1995 Ford Escort) was dying a hard death, and there was no way on this earth that it would make it through the winter without some serious engine work. Living on Social Security – doesn’t allow me to make any savings. My money is gone before the middle of the month. I’ll never own another car. I need something to get me out of these damn woods. My father agreed. Then sat on his ass for months, not doing a thing about it

I finally was told that they were looking at 2002 or 2003 Toyota Corollas for me. Way good, this is my car of choice. I wanted to get back into a Toyota, ever since I owned a Tercel way back in 1989 when I bought my very first car.

I start shopping. I find a few of them online. They are running anywhere between $12,999 and 16,999 for 2002 and 2003 cars. My father keeps replying to my e-mails that “That’s too much” but still wouldn’t nail down exactly how much they were willing to spend.

I got down to business this past Wednesday. I called my father, and told him, I’m seeing my Therapist at noon, I’ll be in Albany, let’s do this, my car is falling apart, and I’m tired of driving it and freezing to death! (the heater doesn’t work at temperatures below 30ºf ). Wouldn’t you know, they are only willing to spend $9,000.00? I may sound selfish because nobody gets a car bought for them. I understand this, but when you’re promised one thing, and told another, it’s a bitter pill to swallow. There is no way on this earth that I’ll find a 2002 or 2003 Corolla for 9,000.00 – that hasn’t 1), been in an accident, or 2), has high mileage on it, or 3), has something terribly wrong with the engine.

Lorraine was going off to visit a friend in the hospital, so my father and I went car hunting. We shopped and shopped, and finally found a 2002 Kia Spectra LS with only 14,000 miles on it – that fit the price range, my requirements, and suited me. I liked it. It wasn’t a Toyota, but I am resigned to the fact that I was never going to find a newer car that was going to fit in their price range.

The Kia Spectra was found at the last place we were planning on looking. By that time, Lorraine was home. We needed her final approval of the car, before saying “Yes, we’ll take this one.” So, leaving the car dealership, with a very worried sales woman, who –thought- she had made the sale already, we went to pick up Lorraine.

We get to their house, and Lorraine starts yelling at me that they are charging too much money for the car, that I’ve not shopped enough, that there are plenty more cars out there, and that I’m jumping into a deal that I’m going to be sorry for. All this – sight unseen of the car I’ve picked out. I cannot please this woman. I never COULD please her.

After 10 minutes of arguing, we get in our respective cars (I had to come back to my house afterwards, I did not plan on returning to THEIR house (that’s for damn sure), and headed back to the dealership to show Lorraine the car.

She looks at the Kia Spectra, she looks at the sales woman, “You’re charging too much money for this car!” Like the sales woman had anything to do with putting that price tag on the car. Then, Lorraine turns and stares at me, and says “I thought you wanted a Corolla!” I looked at her, my jaw dropped. I was standing next to the Corolla of my dreams. It was a 2003 Corolla LS – with all the options I wanted, and it was Navy Blue – my favorite car color, and I knew – it was not in her price range. Lorraine –was playing head games with me.

She knew I wanted a Corolla. So I told her “Yes, Mother, I do want a Corolla, but they are out of your price range.” So, what does she do? She starts to argue prices with me and the sales woman, over why the Kia is so much less than the Corolla!
Finally, after the arguing, we put $100.00 down on the car, and headed off to our respective houses to look for the title to my Ford Escort. I had finally talked them into the fact that indeed, it was the Kia Spectra that I wanted.

Thursday rolls around, and I get a phone call from my father. He wants me to go down to the local Ford dealer, they have a Chevy Cavalier he wants me to go look at! WHAT?? I’m DONE shopping, I’ve chosen my car, I am not interested in a Chevy Cavalier, and I don’t like that car anyhow! I argue with HIM on the phone – he hangs up on me.

I give him about an hour to cool down. “Why do you want me to go look at a cavalier- it’s a sports car.”

“No it isn’t.” he says. It is – as far as the insurance companies are concerned. Unless it’s the old body style. THEN he pops the oh, it’s a two door, has 25,000 miles on it, but it’s a 2003. “Dad, I told the sales man at Hyundai that I wasn’t even LOOKING at 2 door cars – what makes you think I’d look at one today? I’m Fat, I’m Old, My back is broken, I can’t even get into the back seat of my Ford Escort, Why would I want another two door car?”

“Oh yea, I hadn’t considered your back.”

DUH.

I’ve broken my back twice, it’s very difficult for me to do much of anything, and he wasn’t considering my back? Gee – thanks dad.

I met him down at the dealership, and we signed the papers for the Kia. Then he asks me if I want to come over to his place, it was dinner time – and rush hour, and he lives right in the middle of a nasty area for rush hour. None of which I cared about - I wanted to get as far away from them as possible. So, I said No, I was tired, and I drove my new car home.

I am so sick of being “not considered”, of being treated like I’m somebody who doesn’t know what I’m talking about, of being treated like I’m not wanted around, that it isn’t funny. I got that while I was growing up. I am still getting it now. It is not fun

When will the abuse end? Is it bad that I wait impatiently to become an orphan? I have no rights, my Precious brothers who can do no wrong have all the rights. Even when they do something bad, they don’t get the treatment that I get. They are all three of them treated as adults. Even my younger brother –who still lives with mommy and daddy.. is treated more like an adult than I am, and he is less of one in my opinion! I can’t wait til I can run away from home!

A book for assessing and treating DID

2004-10-28T09:43:00.000-04:00

Book Information:

Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder by James L. Spira

This is a copyrighted book available for download only to current members of Bookshare.org. Please log in if you have a member account, otherwise find out about joining.

Synopsis:
Contributors representing various theoretical perspectives discuss methods of assessment and treatment of dissociative identity disorder.

Average customer rating: No ratings available yet
Quality: Good, some errors.
Book size: 414 pages
ISBN: Unknown
Copyright Date: 1996
Copyrighted By: Josey-Bass Inc.
Submitted by: a Bookshare.org Volunteer

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www.sidran.org - An Awesome Place for Information

2004-10-25T21:47:00.000-04:00

Sidran Online was created to help people understand, manage, and treat trauma and dissociation. They're one of the nation's largest providers of education and resources, training and consulting, and publications on traumatic stress.

It's a very informative site. I found my therapist through sidran.org, when no-one in my area who could help me find a therapist who dealt with DID/MPD - these people could!!!

www.sidran.org

Something Odd

2004-10-12T22:55:00.000-04:00

Very odd indeed. My eyes are fine. My sugar is fine. I went to the eye doctor. He re-checked my eyes on Friday. My eyes have changed slightly. Not enough to need a new prescription for these new glasses. The two ruptures behind my right retina have healed.

While this is all good news. This does not explain the three days where I went without being able to read small text, normal text, nor large print. I've yet to call my regular doctor. I'm hoping it was a side effect of a new medication I am taking, and that effect is no longer an issue.

The other option is that it was neurological. I'm not even going to go there if I don't need to. So, if the symptoms re-occur, I'll figure out something then. Until then, we've ruled out diabetes, and eye-related causes.

Thank goodness for those small results.

Dealing with Life

2004-10-07T22:23:00.000-04:00

With an ongoing struggle, life hits hard. I wear glasses. Two days ago, my vision went; kaplooey, completely out of focus. I can no longer completely focus on small print. Today, I am typing this zoomed in 150%, so that I can see what I am typing.

The thought of totally losing my vision is terrifying. I am a diabetic, but my sugar is completely under control. When I test my sugar level, it is normal. When I go for checkups, it is normal within non-diabetic standards. I do drink non-diabetic drinks; I do indulge in sugared coffee in the morning. I drink –maybe- two sodas a day – over the course of the entire day, not a whole soda all at once.

Where can this sudden loss of sight have come from? My right eye is not functioning properly. I have proven that today. Tuesday, I brought my prescription in for new glasses (after saving and saving to be able to afford polycarbonate with transition lenses) finally. The prescription was for one lens only – the left eye. The right eye did not change. Although they had to replace both lenses, the right eye did not need a new prescription. My left eye, changed by about 60 points – a huge change.

When I put the new glasses on, I was able to focus well enough to read normal print again, something I was not able to do with the old glasses. Still, things are way out of focus, and not correct, but I do not think it’s a function of the glasses. I think it’s a function of something is massively wrong with my right eye.

When I had my doctor’s appointment back in late August, the technician got frustrated with me, because I could not tell her which one was better, this one or that one with my right eye. Neither one was better. They were the same to me. So she said “pick one”. That is not the way it’s supposed to be done. So I picked, and picked and picked, and each time it got worse and worse and worse... until finally she said “this is your new prescription” and I said “Oh no it’s not”, because I could not read a single letter on that line, whereas I could when we started.. Barely... but I could.

Then we did the left eye that came a bit more easily, and was quickly corrected. Then, she tried to get me tested for glaucoma. This woman is already frustrated with me, and then she tries to stick a piece of paper in my eye. NOT!!! I can’t even put eye drops in my own eyes, and she thinks she’s going to get a piece of paper next to my eyeball? NOT!!! I panic – worse than any wild animal when things come close to my eyes. I told her this, and still she tried. Then she comes at me with the wand thing for the glaucoma test. Come ON People! Why can’t you listen – PANIC WORSE THAN A CORNERED WILD BEAST!

So, without those two tests performed, and this technician totally pissed off, she says go out and sit in the waiting room until they call your name for the doctor to see you. I’m looking at her, and saying “Just like that, you’re giving up,” but she had already put the eye drops in my eyes, and could no longer do any readings on my eyes.

So – off to the waiting room I go. At least the doctor treated me with some semblance of respect. He explained that once they put the eye drops in they couldn’t re-do the “is this better or that better” test, until the eye drops wear off. That test is only for when there are no eye drops in the eyes. “Oh, nice of the technician to be a total bitch,” I think to myself.

The doctor looks into my eyes, and tells me “You’ve got two tiny ruptures behind your right retina; they will eventually need to be corrected with laser surgery. I want to see you back here in 9 months.” He was very nice, and explained himself thoroughly. I fear… that I have more ruptures behind my right retina now, and that is what is happening. My left eye however is also not focusing properly, and it should be. I have my new glasses on. Everything SHOULD be clear through that lens… and its not.

Sigh =FEAR=

=signing off until tomorrow=

Dealing with MPD - My Journey

2004-10-04T16:18:00.000-04:00

First, let me explain why I say MPD (Multiple Personalities) and not DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) as all members of the “esteemed” psychiatric community in the United States call it.

MPD – Multiple Personality Disorder
DID – Dissociative Identity Disorder

They look different don’t they? If you were to hunt down their definitions, you’d find that they echo each other’s definition. So why do they have different names? Read the definitions closer. They are identical, except for one very important line, and it is that very same line that is the reason that I say – that I am MPD instead of DID.

The Definition of MPD:

• The presence of two or more distinct identities or personalities
• At least two of these identities or personalities recurrently take control of the person's behavior
• Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness
• The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance or a general medical condition.

The Definition of DID:

• The presence of two or more distinct personality states
• At least two of these personality states recurrently take control of the person's behavior
• Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness
• The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance or a general medical condition.

My alters (or family as I prefer to call them) would not like it if I called them a “Personality State”. Nor would your children like it if you called them a figment of your imagination.

I think that somehow, DID lends less credulity to the fact that indeed there are other personalities inside, they are real; they are distinct, complete separate personalities, with likes, wants and needs. It’s hard to live like this as it is. I have severe symptoms. I wake in the morning sitting at my desk, when I went to bed in my bedroom the night before. I physically cannot sit for extended periods, but one of my family members likes to be at the desk.

Worse yet, is the lack of psychiatric support. There is somewhere along the lines of 90% of the members of the psychiatric community who do not believe in MPD/DID to begin with. When other symptoms erupt – like my running battle with severe depression, hospitalization is always a battle. I am –forever- being re-diagnosed as BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) or Schizophrenic – both are misdiagnosis of MPD. Doctors refuse to treat MPD in the local area, and then they medicate me for these disorders. When I was living in a group home, I was forced to take these medications, or return to living with my abusive parents.

I’m on Medicare and Medicaid due to disabilities beyond the mental part – (physically disabled as well as the debilitation of MPD, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and Major Depression). The only local hospital that even offers a PTSD clinic is a private hospital. So, when symptoms of depression and suicidal ideation come about, it’s compounded by the knowledge that I’m going into a facility that doesn’t care if I’m MPD or not, it’s going to medicate me for something I’m not. Feelings of desperation begin to cloud and compound the feelings of depression. Then the angry insiders step out, the ones who want to quit, or who have only one way of expressing their anger and that is through cutting on the body. That scares me the most. I’m caring for children, I can’t be cutting.. But the feelings are soooo close.

Just this morning, I came into the office to have a cigarette, and discovered something extremely odd. There was an un-smoked cigarette, with a paperclip pinching the filter sitting on my desk. This has never happened before; to me it causes fear and wonder. Who did it? Why? When did it occur? I didn’t do it! I went to bed, I woke up in bed. I do not recall ever getting up in the night, yet when I got up this morning, all of the clothes that were on top of my hope chest that is at the foot of my bed, were on the floor – yet, my bed was not ruffled, nor were my blankets and sheet messed. I did not get under them at all last night, and it was cold.

I have a therapist, she’s a wonderful person. I go to her office, and chit-chat. I get to the point of getting comfortable enough to talk about something, and it’s time to go, our scheduled time is over. Poof – the time flies over my head and all I can do is look at the clock and say huh? It’s not that I’m uncomfortable talking to her. It’s not that anyone inside is uncomfortable talking to her – I don’t get that feeling. It’s that NOBODY wants to tell.

So, redirection, change the subject, I don’t even realize I’m doing it.. or am I ? Because sometimes, I don’t remember the session at all. Most the time that is. I don’t. Who was there? How did I get home? Must be James drove again, he’s the driver in the family. He’s 16, I learned when I was living in Phoenix. A very safe driver for one so young, but he can’t control it when Janet wants to take over. SHE is the suicidal one, and one of her constant, scary themes is driving at 100 miles per hour into a very sturdy tree or light pole.

Yet, we don’t talk about that. Not until the pain is so great, that it’s tearing us all up inside. I can hardly breath sometimes. Yet no tears come. I cannot cry. I have not cried in years.

The journey I’m on, is a long one, and I’ve been on it for years. I’ve got a long ways to go. I’m on a backwards slide, and right now the safety net has been ripped full of holes.

There’s only one patch that’s there, that I might catch.. if I land right.. but that’s highly unlikely at this stage of the game, there is little hope.

The Inner Critic: Accepting Ourselves

2004-10-01T01:56:00.000-04:00

by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist, 2002

Do you feel like you're your worst critic? Do you find yourself criticizing your body, intelligence, clothes, ability to do your job, and just about anything about yourself? We all have that voice inside, the one that can take anything about ourselves or something that we did and make it into something terribly wrong or bad.

Some people have stronger inner critics than others, but most people at one time in their lives have struggled to believe positive things that are said about them, and to ward off internal criticisms.

Many events conspire to make us question and criticize ourselves. From the little things to the big things, there are lots of people who knowingly and unknowingly put us down. Family members, peers, teachers, and religious leaders can all play a role even if they they think they're helping us.

Parents often try and correct the "problems" they think they see in us, and say all kinds of things in an attempt to "fix" us. They let us know their concerns about our looks, body, hair, clothes, the way we walk and talk, and so on. All of these accumulate to make us feel less than adequate, less than whole, less than what we "should" be.

Overt and covert criticisms, emotional, physical and sexual abuse, and bullying all lead to our internalizing negative beliefs. They leave us feeling hurt and ashamed, sometimes hating everything about ourselves. While overt abuse certainly leads to the creation of an inner critic, so do many other, often more subtle, forms of criticism.

The inner critic can lead to all sorts of problems including low self-esteem, self injurious behaviour, eating disorders, avoiding situations that require us to be the centre of attention or to shine, and feeling like we are profoundly unlovable and unwanted.

The Inner Critic was Formed to Help You

The inner critic was originally formed to help you, to help you avoid pain and shame. The thinking goes like this: "if I create within myself a voice that is just like my parents, and anyone else I want to please, I can more easily know what they want from me, how they want me to be, and I can more easily avoid their disapproval and ultimately win their approval and love."

The inner critic wants us to do well, to succeed, and to be liked, but operates on the thinking level of a child, and a child who thinks that what other people think of her/him is not only important but correct.

In order to do its job properly, the inner critic needed to curb your natural inclinations, and to make you acceptable to others by criticizing and correcting your behaviour before other people could criticize and reject you. In this way, it reasoned, it could earn love and protection for you as well as save you much shame and hurt. (Stone and Stone, 1993)

The problem is the inner critic doesn't know when to stop. It may grow until it is out of control and criticizes you on a regular basis causing some real damage. The inner critic can make you feel awful about yourself. With the inner critic watching, you begin to watch your every step, you become self-conscious, awkward and ever fearful of making a mistake.

Recognizing and Separating From the Inner Critic

The first step in reducing the power of the inner critic is to recognize when it's speaking and to separate from it. You are not your inner critic, it is a part of you, but it is not who you are. When you are able to separate from your inner critic, you are in the part of your self which is sometimes called aware ego, internal witness, higher self, or observing ego.

When you are able to step back, and observe the inner critic, you are separating from it and moving into aware or observing ego. Being in aware ego takes the sting out of the inner critic.
Some ways to get to know and separate from your inner critic include:

Write out all the things that you inner critic says to you at different times of the day, in different situations, and with different people and notice what the patterns are. For example, does your inner critic get stronger when you're tired, hungry, or stressed? If so, taking breaks, unwinding, having snacks, and relaxing can all reduce the power of your inner critic.
If writing out the inner critic's messages leads to your adding more and more criticisms to your list, stop writing and try to step back from being in the inner critic. See if you can simply observe that there is a part of you that thinks this way, and that not all of you thinks this way. You don't need to argue with the inner critic, just be aware of it.
Talk to other people about their inner critic's messages and compare the similarities; you may be surprised to hear that inner critics sound pretty similar from person to person and your inner critic's messages are not specific to you. For some people, doing this would not be helpful and could backfire. If you have a particularly strong inner critic, this could lead to it finding other critical messages to give to you. Again, if this happens, or you suspect it will, don't do it and concentrate on stepping back and being aware of the inner critic as a separate voice or part.
Draw your inner critic. This is not an art project and no one will mark you on this. Drawing the inner critic externalizes it and helps you to separate from it. What or who does the inner critic look like?
Think about when and how your inner critic developed. Does it sound like any one you know?
Write down both of your parents', and anyone else's, critical messages and compare them to your list. Have you adopted any one else's critical messages as your own? Separating from the inner critic can sometimes be accomplished by saying to yourself, "Ah, yes, that's what my mother would have said."
Meditation is very helpful for stepping back and observing the inner critic, and any other part of yourself.

Acknowledging Parts of Yourself That You've Disowned

Inner critics have a tendency to feed on the very aspects of ourselves that we are most uncomfortable with, deny, and disown. For example, if you are uncomfortable with your anger and your critical judgments of other people, tell yourself that you don't feel angry when you do, and think that you are not being mean when you are, your inner critic will rake you over the coals and call you a cruel bitch! If you acknowledge your anger and the reality that sometimes you do think or speak critically of other people, your inner critic has nothing to hit you with.

How we feel about our bodies, or parts of our bodies, can be harder. If you have an inner critic that tells you that you are "fat", you likely don't accept your body as it is and would prefer that you weighed less or looked differently. While it may be hard to accept your body the way it is, you can try acknowledging to yourself that this is your body and this is the way you look with as little judgment as possible.

Some people find it helpful to acknowledge that indeed they do have fat on their body, and so what. For more help with this issue, see my article called, Changing Our Body Image
Becoming aware of and acknowledging all aspects of yourself, including the parts you are not comfortable with, softens the inner critic's power.

Some ways to get to know different aspects of yourself that you disown include:

Think of somebody whom you really dislike, somebody who pushes your emotional buttons, and leaves you feeling self-righteous and superior. Don't pick someone who has abused you. What is it about this person that you judge? Once you figure that out, you've found a disowned aspect of yourself. For example, say you dislike someone because she is needy and wants others to take care of her. You would never want to be like that! That is your disowned self - the needy child who wants others to take care of her/him.
Think about someone you overvalue. This is someone who you not only admire, but someone with whom you feel bad about yourself in comparison. Again you will have found a disowned self. Perhaps, you admire a friend's ability to be rational and in control. You, in contrast, always seem to be emotional and confused. You wish you could be calm, cool, and collected like she is. In fact, around her you may get even more confused and emotional, and have great difficulty pulling your thoughts together. She is showing you a disowned self. You have disowned your own rational, controlled part. (Stone and Stone, 1993)

One of the inner critic's jobs is to criticize your disowned parts, so by acknowledging all of you who you are, you reduce the power of the inner critic.

Dialoguing With The Inner Critic

Dialoguing with an inner critic can be helpful too. The traditional approach to dealing with inner critics is to try and talk them out of what they think, but this can soon become a no- win situation. Even if you manage to prove to an inner critic the error of it's ways, it will simply move on to another thing about you to criticize.

Gently countering the inner critics views can help. But, sometimes it helps more to view the inner critic as another part of yourself who has something of value to say and deserves to be heard and respected. Dialoguing with the inner critic (for example, writing out a conversation between the inner critic and another part of yourself) where you simply listen, ask clarifying questions, understand the inner critic's deeper concerns, offer feedback as you would in any conversation, and negotiate agreements if that fits often softens the inner critic more and has longer lasting results.

The next time you hear a voice inside of you putting you down, take a deep breath, remind yourself it's your inner critic speaking, take a step back, and observe it in action. That may be all you need to do to reduce the impact of the inner critic. You may want to listen for potential disowned parts as well that you can try to acknowledge. For the more we acknowledge all of who we are, and how we can behave, the less powerful the inner critic is, and that is such a relief!

If you would like to reprint this article on your website, you may, providing you print it in its entirety, credit me, and give a link to my site - http://www.kalimunro.com/ - I'd love to know, too!

Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist 416 929-4612 email@KaliMunro.com http://www.kalimunro.com/

Just how =does= one “Become” MPD?

2004-09-27T14:22:00.000-04:00

First understand, that we all have a two part mind (which is not the same as having a two hemisphered brain). We have an Emotional Self, and an Analytical Self. Normal (integrated) people operate with their 99% Analytical Self and 99% Emotional Self in tact, and ready to be used. It can be analogous to two sides of a coin. Heads you are analytical, tails, you are emotional at any given input, neither one is good or bad, both are there it is part of who you are. Just how emotional or analytical you are, depends on the situation, and your goals.

For People with MPD – life-threatening trauma occurs, in such a way, as to cause Emotional Self, to dissociate from Analytical Self. (to put the terms simply) before the child reaches 7 years of age.

True, many folks can suffer from various forms of life threatening trauma before the age of seven. Car accidents, near drowning, but there are more conditions, which must also be present, in order to develop MPD.

The Emotional Self (aka Birth Personality, Original Personality, Host) must be Grade V hypnotizable. Hypnotizability is a characteristic of the emotional side – given at birth.

Another is Polarization of the Parents. This means that while the person who is MPD views one parent as good, while the other bad. What happens often is that parents flip from role to role, but, if parents are together in matters of discipline, MPD most likely will not happen. Usually, one parent is the abuser, while the other screams or deserts. The non-abusive parent does not rescue the child or the damage could have been reversed.

Finally, Polarization of Siblings, MPD children are the “only one being abused”. The MPD Child is seen as different from other children, and therefore somehow “deserving” of the abuse the other children did not get.

So: MPD is brought about by:

Life Threatening Trauma before the age of 7 yrs old. (minor trauma is not enough child must fear for his/her life)
Grade V hypnotizable.
Polarized Parents (one bad, one good)
Polarized Siblings (only one is abused, others treated decently).

Thanks to the wonderful site:
http://www.dissociation.com/index/Definition/

there is much information here for one and all.

A Recovery Bill of Rights for Trauma Survivors

2004-09-25T08:09:00.000-04:00

All rights reserved, except that permission is hereby granted to freely reproduce and distribute this document, provided the text is reproduced unaltered and entire (including this notice) and is distributed free of charge.

By virtue of your personal :

Authority

Manage your life according to your own values and judgment.
Direct your recovery, answerable to no one for your goals or progress.
Gather information to make intelligent decisions about your recovery.
Seek help from many sources, unhindered by demands for exclusivity.
Decline help from anyone without having to justify the decision.
Believe in your ability to heal and seek allies who share your faith.
Trust allies in healing so far as one human can trust another.
Be afraid and avoid what frightens you.
Decide for yourself whether, when, and where to confront fear.
Learn by experimenting, that is, make mistakes.

To guard your personal

Boundaries

You have the Right to . . .

Be touched only with, and within the limits of, your consent.
Speak or remain silent, about any topic and at any time, as you wish.
Choose to accept or decline feedback, suggestions, or interpretations.
Ask for help in healing, without having to accept help with everything.
Challenge any crossing of your boundaries.
Take action to stop a trespass that does not cease when challenged.

For the integrity of your personal

Communication

You have the Right to

Ask for explanation of communications you do not understand.
Express a contrary view when you do understand and you disagree.
Acknowledge your feelings, without having to justify them.
Ask for changes when your needs are not being met.
Speak of your experience, without apology for your uncertainties.
Resolve doubt without deferring to the views or wishes of anyone.

For safety in your personal

Dependency in Therapy

You have the Right to . . .

Hire a therapist or counselor as coach, not boss, of your recovery.
Receive expert and faithful assistance in healing from your therapist.
Know that your therapist will never have any other relationship with you -- business, social, or sexual.
Be secure against any disclosure by your therapist, except with your consent or under court order.
Hold your therapist's undivided loyalty in relation to all abusers.
Obtain informative answers to questions about your condition, your therapist's qualifications, and any proposed treatment.
Have your safety given priority by your therapist, to the point of readiness to use all lawful means to neutralize an imminent threat to your life or that of someone else.
Receive a commitment from your therapist that is not conditional on your "good behavior" (habitual crime and endangerment excepted).
Make clear and reliable agreements about the times of sessions and of your therapist's availability.
Telephone your therapist between scheduled sessions, in urgent need, and receive a return call within a reasonable time.
Be taught skills that lessen the risk of re-traumatization:

containment (boundaries for recovery work);
control of attention and mental imagery;
systematic relaxation.

Enjoy reasonable physical comfort during sessions.

From www.sidran.org The Sidran Institute.

Salvation Army or Convenience Army

2004-09-25T01:57:00.000-04:00

Good grief, what is today’s world coming to? I received a phone call not too long ago regarding my estranged mother. It seems she was trying to donate a couch to the Salvation Army. The Salvation Army, in their infinite wisdom, refused to accept the perfectly usable couch.

Granted, the couch has seen better days. It could use some new slipcovers, but it does have redeeming qualities. It is a sofa-bed. It opens up into a ¾-size mattress that is very comfortable to sleep on, and has storage underneath.

Yet, the Salvation Army crew that came to retrieve the couch said they could not take the couch. Why, you ask? For one reason and one reason only, the couch was down stairs.

What did I just hear? The Salvation Army doesn’t take donations if the furniture isn’t on ground level? What is the sense in that? Yes, I can understand they are understaffed, and are a non-profit organization who works on volunteers, but refusing a donation based on the location of the furniture?

My mother is 72 years old, has cancer, and can barely climb up and down stairs herself. Yet in the tiny recesses of her twisted heart, there seems there is some good left, and she called to donate a piece of furniture to an organization that is SUPPOSED to donate furniture to the needy. Another family sleeps on the floor, thanks to Salvation Army’s thoughtless, selfishness, and outright greed.

I can understand why Salvation Army doesn’t want to be carting up furniture for able bodied citizens, but Senior Citizens trying to do something good in the community? Something is very very wrong at Salvation Army!

Tomorrow, my 74 year old father, and my able bodied brother are going to try to drag that couch up the stairs, so the Salvation Army can come back again. If my father suffers a heart attack while trying to drag that couch up those stairs, I wonder, if my mother has a valid lawsuit.

It makes me wonder why people even bother trying to turn a good deed, when they are slapped on the wrist for it.
Just my thoughts

Brain Dominance Test (Online-Test) - test your brain dominance - The IPN

2004-09-23T21:04:00.000-04:00

Brain Dominance Test (Online-Test) - test your brain dominance - The

2004-09-23T13:35:00.000-04:00

Me at my desk

The Demon Cat from Hell

2004-09-23T10:14:00.000-04:00

Skunk the Queen Cat

Skunk has been with me for 14 years now. She was born on June 4 1990. I picked her out of the litter when she was just two days old. She came from a small litter, just 4 kittens in all, 2 long haired gray kittens, and 2 short haired black kittens. She had the only white markings of the litter.

Skunk received her ‘unique’ name, because of the white stripe that runs from the side of her nose (which you can see in the picture) down her belly, to the base of her tail. When she was a kitten, this stripe – was much more skunk-like than kitten like. Now that she is a more “mature” cat, it has spread to be a full belly white.

Her sister, the other black kitten, turned out to be ‘mentally retarded’. She was so funny, she did not know what to do with her tongue, so she let it dangle from her mouth most of the time. I heard she needed jaw surgery to correct a deformity there. I felt sorry for the poor kitten, but she went to a good and loving home, and not to the “extinguisher’s life ending home”.

I took a male grey longhaired kitten along with Skunk, to give to my friend Kate, for a birthday present. She lives on a large farm in central NY. I asked her permission of course, and she explained she was afraid of taking such a young kitten. I said not to worry, I planned on getting him all his shots before handing him over, and by that time, he would be old enough to become the family’s farm cat.

When Skunk and “Thor” (later renamed “Mikey”) came to live with me, they were happy silly kittens. Both loved living in my apartment. Thor loved to sleep on my hip, and of course, both loved to play chase at 3:00 in the morning.

I did not mind them playing so much, but when they used my back as a springboard for launching a surprise attack at each other, that’s when I got up, and ended the shenanigans, by locking them out of my bedroom.

Skunk learned that body slamming the bedroom door would get me out of bed to re-open the door. Usually both kittens would come to bed after that. Sleeping arrangements stayed the same until Thor went to live with Kate. Skunk, took up position on my hip after he left. She was a bit sad to see him go, but I think she was always happier when I lavished attention on her.

She is a spoiled cat. From day one, I allowed her to sit on the table while I ate my meals. The reason for this is, I live alone, and Skunk was my companion. I lived in an apartment where dogs were not allowed. She always sat across the table, watching and being a good companion. If I got up from the table to get something, she would stay where she was. Only when I finished my plate, and got up to put it in the sink, did she rise from where she sat. I would always save a few morsels for her, and I gave them to her at her end of the table. Occasionally, she would mess up, and I think she knew that it was not generally allowed in other people’s houses.
When skunk was a kitten, I took her everywhere with me. Grocery shopping, to get gas in the car, to my parent’s summer home to go swimming (she didn’t swim of course), out on errands of any form or kind. So, she got used to being in the car, and loved going for car rides. It was awful. She was a fanatic (and still is). If I touched my keys, and her harness at the same time, she’d go absolutely nuts. Worse than any dog you’ve ever seen! I still can’t touch my keys and her harness at the same time. Even though she’s been in the car for well over 7,500 miles (more on that later).

While Skunk was growing up, I had two boys, Danny and Shane, who pretty much lived with me on weekends. They were very troubled teens, into drugs, drinking, skipping school, in a bad sort of way. That –was not- allowed in my house. I will address Danny and Shane in another post.

Anyhow, around time for Skunk to go into heat, she fell in love with Danny. Poor Danny! Every single time he came over, Skunk followed him around, mewing amorously. Then, I got her fixed. Oh lordy, Skunk’s name soon became extremely fitting.

In Danny’s words, Skunk became the “Demon Cat From Hell.” Skunk not only got her “tonsils removed”, but she also had her claws removed. She was a digger, and I could not afford to be replacing carpets. Also, I planned on never allowing her to see the outdoors except through the windows.

The newly coined “Demon Cat from Hell” would, upon Danny’s arrival, jump into his lap, and DARE him to move or twitch a muscle, and if he did, she’d bite him with every jaw muscle she possessed. We all believe, that Skunk blamed Danny, and all teenagers in general, for the loss of her tonsils, because from that moment on, she has turned against ALL teenagers.

After I chased skunk off Danny’s lap, she would curl up in Danny’s jacket, or some likely area where he would be sure to need to go, so that she could sneak up on him, and attack him again. She particularly liked to crawl into his coat sleeve, where it was difficult to remove her.

She does it to all teens. The moment they sit down, she jumps into their lap. If they twitch – she hisses and snaps. It really is somewhat funny to watch with the older boys. They do not know what to do, other than to sit, frozen in position. Skunk has always been a single person cat. Her boyfriend spurned her, and now, takes it out on all people, except my father, who she loves to pieces (he gives her blueberry muffins… Mmmm, yummy… her favorite breakfast treat).

In 1991, I decided I would spend Christmas vacation in Yuma, Arizona with my brother and Sister-in-Law. I had not seen them in ages, and I wanted to do a fact finding tour. I wanted to get out of New York, and as far away from it as I could.

I had, for my 21st birthday present, spent two wonderful weeks in Phoenix. I loved it then. So, I was going back to see if Arizona could be the place I wanted to move to. I know the weather is so much different from New York; I was not worried about that. I NEEDED to get away.

Arizona was really the only choice I had. I needed some sort of Family connection, my brother and sister-in-law were already in Yuma, and I had a cousin in Phoenix.

So, for two weeks, I roamed Yuma, drove up to Phoenix, and explored. It was gorgeous, and I fell in love with the whole state all over again. It had grown a lot in the 8 years since I had been there. I did not recognize anything from when I had been there before.

Anyhow, we packed, and closed shop, I gave my boss my notice (6months notice!) and Skunk, and my friend Kate, the Ryder truck, my car attached to the back, and I headed across country. I had no carrier for Skunk; we just had her kitty litter, her harness, and a place for her to sleep in the cab behind the driver’s seat.

After the first few miles of driving, when she was settling in, I did not know she was even present in the truck. It was amazing. 2500 miles, and you’d not know there was a cat present in the truck, other than occasionally she’d want to ride on the dashboard (which once I discovered that she did not block the view – I allowed), or she’d want to ride on the passenger’s lap, or she’d want to ride on the driver’s lap, all of which was allowed.

We left New York on May 15th 1992, and arrived in Yuma on May 22nd 1992. My brother, had three cats and a dog, May, Savannah, and Moe, and Max the dog. Skunk got along with Moe fantastically, but the other two, she did not tolerate too well. Max, was relegated to living outside, until we could determine if he was going to tolerate Skunk, or try to eat her.

It all worked out in the end, and Max and Skunk tolerated each other at a distance, and finally, I moved up from Yuma to Mesa, Arizona, where I spent the remainder of my 10 years on that side of the world. Skunk loved it there, though she gave me a few heart attacks.

In the early days of living in a townhouse, there were occasions when tree scorpions would find their way into the house! This was a bit scary for me, since I was from the east coast, and not at all familiar with the dealings with scorpions!

One day, I came down the stairs from my bedroom (all the bedrooms were upstairs) only to find Skunk playing with a live tree scorpion (they’re about 3” long, brownish in color – which was fun to deal with because my carpets were brown). I was barefooted at the time, so I could not step on the scorpion, but I did chase skunk away from it. I ran and got something to squash the scorpion with, but when I came back to do this, it was gone. Immediately, I got on the phone with exterminators to come and spray my house. I was worried sick, what if they stung my cat!!!

The exterminators came, and sprayed inside and outside my house, and did a survey, and told me that I would continue to get inside scorpions, until I had the branches from three trees removed from certain trees, because they were touching the roof of my townhouse!

Then he gave me the best news I could have heard. “Cats are immune to scorpion stings.” I still don’t believe him about that news, but, my cat never did get hurt, and I had those branches removed, the scorpions stopped coming in, and Skunk is still alive and well.

There were several occasions when my folks wanted me to come and visit NY for some time in the summers, so I said to them, I am not leaving Skunk behind, it is too expensive to board her in a kennel, and if she does come on the plane, she is not going in the ‘hold’ area.

So, armed with this information, we went in search of ways to get me back to NY, with the cat, without having to put the cat in the “luggage area”. She could, we found out, be carried on the plane with me, in a special carrier, as long as it fit under the seat in front of me. So, Skunk became a flying companion as well as a car-driving companion. She has been back and forth to NY on a plane 4 times. I’m quite sure she has traveled more than any other feline in history, perhaps other than the Hollywood feline ‘actors’.

In 2002, the owners of the townhouse (my parents.. that will come in another post) decided to sell the townhouse, forcing me to return to New York – or live on the streets out of my car – in Phoenix, Arizona. Since that was not really a choice, with 3 animals, (in the 10 years that I was in Phoenix, I finally got another German Shepherd “Arizona Sunshine” and another cat – a rescue from “Petsmart” “Babe”) .

So, once again, Skunk endured traveling across country, this time from Phoenix, to New York, where we now reside. She is 14, and going strong. She loves to sleep under a quilt, preferably all day long on any bed. She is the Matriarch, she bosses the german shepherd around, and tolerates Babe. She is still a one person cat, but when my dad arrives, she loves to see if he’s brought any blueberry muffins.

She’s sleeping right now, curled up under the quilt on a spare bed. The sun is shining thru the mini-blind slats and the window is open. I wonder what she dreams of.

Sweet sweet dreams my kitty.

Introductions Introductions

2004-09-23T02:15:00.000-04:00

Hello,

Welcome to Multiple Minds, I am your host or, should I say, Linda is the host. I will explain as we go along.

What exactly –is- Multiple Minds you ask? Well, it is many things. It is first, and foremost, an informational journal. Secondly, it is a place for people to learn about multiple personality disorders, and finally, it’s about me, and where I fit into the scheme of the world.

You see. I am a “We”. So far – 14 personalities – that have come “out” and actively participate with the world. Some are NOT so pleasant, most are children below the age of 10.

I do not say that I am 10. I am Linda, and I’m 42 years old. We grew up. We have absolutely no memories of childhood from the age of 17 years old, and before. Those are hidden from me… but my friends, hear me talking about things from my youth, that is because through recent therapy, I have “recovered” some of those memories, and other times, my friends – are actually talking to my “family” – my alternate personalities.. Not me, my self and I.

How did this happen? How does Multiple Personality Disorder happen in anyone, you can research it. The evidence that classic causes of MPD – severe abuse – sexual, physical, mental abuse – beginning before the age of 4 – with life threatening abuse – occurring to break the child’s psyche took place. In a nutshell – that explains the first 18 years of my life.

Not all of my life was pain and torture. I had good moments. My father was not abusive, that was left to my mother and 2 out of 3 brothers (I have no memories of my oldest brother, so I leave him out at this time). We did the computers together; we have reading in common, and even like the same books. He often took me to work with him. I have early memories of him plopping me down in front of a computer. I ran the old cardpunch computers at 4 yrs old. I corrected Final Exams for my father’s “Master’s Degree” students when I was just 7 years old, and I remember feeling so privileged to be able to use a red pen, and not a baby pencil.

Anyhow, enough about me for now. This is about this new and hopefully informational Blog.

More to come!

Linda

Opening Comment

2004-09-22T23:47:00.000-04:00

Hello and welcome to Multiple Minds

I see some people scratching their heads out there. Multiple Minds. Humn, how does that work. We have only one mind. True, we're given to changing our minds, we're prone to moods and dark turnings, bright fancies.. but what does "Multiple Minds" mean exactly?

Multiple Minds - is about Multiple Personality Disorder, the dark turns, the light fancies, the little's fun and playful times, the anger the angst, the frustration at not knowing where you've been for minutes, hours, days on end. I hope that it will be an informative blog, and I hope you'll enjoy reading, and it will have you coming back often.