Dealing with Life

With an ongoing struggle, life hits hard. I wear glasses. Two days ago, my vision went; kaplooey, completely out of focus. I can no longer completely focus on small print. Today, I am typing this zoomed in 150%, so that I can see what I am typing.

The thought of totally losing my vision is terrifying. I am a diabetic, but my sugar is completely under control. When I test my sugar level, it is normal. When I go for checkups, it is normal within non-diabetic standards. I do drink non-diabetic drinks; I do indulge in sugared coffee in the morning. I drink –maybe- two sodas a day – over the course of the entire day, not a whole soda all at once.

Where can this sudden loss of sight have come from? My right eye is not functioning properly. I have proven that today. Tuesday, I brought my prescription in for new glasses (after saving and saving to be able to afford polycarbonate with transition lenses) finally. The prescription was for one lens only – the left eye. The right eye did not change. Although they had to replace both lenses, the right eye did not need a new prescription. My left eye, changed by about 60 points – a huge change.

When I put the new glasses on, I was able to focus well enough to read normal print again, something I was not able to do with the old glasses. Still, things are way out of focus, and not correct, but I do not think it’s a function of the glasses. I think it’s a function of something is massively wrong with my right eye.

When I had my doctor’s appointment back in late August, the technician got frustrated with me, because I could not tell her which one was better, this one or that one with my right eye. Neither one was better. They were the same to me. So she said “pick one”. That is not the way it’s supposed to be done. So I picked, and picked and picked, and each time it got worse and worse and worse... until finally she said “this is your new prescription” and I said “Oh no it’s not”, because I could not read a single letter on that line, whereas I could when we started.. Barely... but I could.

Then we did the left eye that came a bit more easily, and was quickly corrected. Then, she tried to get me tested for glaucoma. This woman is already frustrated with me, and then she tries to stick a piece of paper in my eye. NOT!!! I can’t even put eye drops in my own eyes, and she thinks she’s going to get a piece of paper next to my eyeball? NOT!!! I panic – worse than any wild animal when things come close to my eyes. I told her this, and still she tried. Then she comes at me with the wand thing for the glaucoma test. Come ON People! Why can’t you listen – PANIC WORSE THAN A CORNERED WILD BEAST!

So, without those two tests performed, and this technician totally pissed off, she says go out and sit in the waiting room until they call your name for the doctor to see you. I’m looking at her, and saying “Just like that, you’re giving up,” but she had already put the eye drops in my eyes, and could no longer do any readings on my eyes.

So – off to the waiting room I go. At least the doctor treated me with some semblance of respect. He explained that once they put the eye drops in they couldn’t re-do the “is this better or that better” test, until the eye drops wear off. That test is only for when there are no eye drops in the eyes. “Oh, nice of the technician to be a total bitch,” I think to myself.

The doctor looks into my eyes, and tells me “You’ve got two tiny ruptures behind your right retina; they will eventually need to be corrected with laser surgery. I want to see you back here in 9 months.” He was very nice, and explained himself thoroughly. I fear… that I have more ruptures behind my right retina now, and that is what is happening. My left eye however is also not focusing properly, and it should be. I have my new glasses on. Everything SHOULD be clear through that lens… and its not.

Sigh =FEAR=

=signing off until tomorrow=